"Quest for Life"

'Caring a Gun'

2011-03-27T13:42:00.003+02:00

People say that if you carry a gun you are paranoid, thats ridiculous for if i am caring a gun, what in the hell am i to be paranoid about?

I coined a phrase this morning ...

2011-03-27T10:23:00.005+02:00

"Doubt leads to assumption and masks both possibility and reality!"

what i am getting at here is that if doubt enters into the equation on any subject your mind immediately tries to justify why it may not be the truth instead of believing from the very start, and this is mostly due to being disappointed in the past so many times...

there is no way around the problem except through a back door of sorts and that is to resist the temptation to dismiss long enough to do a little research and possibly experimentation yourself to find the truth.

Don't tell me it cant be done, rather prove it to me using my mind and my body...

DBT 11/03/27

Materialistic Gratification Addicts...

2011-02-01T21:45:00.002+02:00

I find it both strange and invigorating to find myself surrounded by beautiful people. Their beauty is individual and inspiring and combined they make me feel better about myself. I want to automatically ‘be more’ if you hear what I am saying. It is so easy to fall into the trap of dogma and depression that if you don’t regularly take stock of your situation, you may find yourself on the wrong side of the tracks.

My family, for example is filled with ‘alpha’ personalities, with respect to their approach to life and the adventurers spirit. We have all travelled and would do so again at the drop of a hat and in so doing amass another spirited adventure tale that will be repeated at any occasion and to anyone who is willing to hear it “again”

I secretly fear that it may be arrogance or ego that motivates us to repeat them but ‘Damn’ we have fun and the tales are all based on actual events. So I dare not exclude my tales, for the enjoyment is both in the telling and in the rekindling of that spirit we often lack due to our responsibilities and work etc. I am currently bogged down and treading water has become an Olympic sport in my life but I do have land in sight and am slowly making headway.

I miss the old days, you remember them. Those days filled with endless hours sitting around a camp fire listening to the frontiersmen telling us tales of their adventures. Grandpa was there sitting with a blanket over his knees, coaxing his pipe to life, a flurry of smoke every now and again wafting over everyone’s head. He always had this amused look on his face when he would think of the old days. He would smooth down his moustache before starting a story and it always started with the words “I remember a time when…” We would sit spellbound and he would carry us off into the night with stories of war, or his days as a miner. Adventures he lived through on horseback and then the sweet love of his life would always feature prominently.

There was of course the camp fires surrounded by desert were weary travellers would hold up for a day or two and the stories of their travels to far off exotic lands would ignite our imagination and lust for the open road again. The nomads would arrive in groups of four or five and water their animals before settling down to a meal. I can still smell the dust of the roads they had just travelled and remember the struggle to distinguish their accents. Over yonder always sounded better than around the corner and beyond that sea was always more enticing than across the water.

Why do we not relive these experiences more often, and how is it that we have lost that comradeship that bound all weary travelers to a single meal instantly. I remember coming back from the crusades on those cold winter nights, the skins I wore hung wet and heavy across my shoulders. The sword dull with a mixture of blood and dirt from battle. Triumph was soon a matter of the past when a meal and a soft bed where offered. I can distinctly recall the look on those faces as we neared the campsite. From being slumped over the pommel from exhaustion to riding tall as victors.

Expressions of faith and fairytales were played by actors on a stage, which often took place at the drop of a hat. People would dress up and carry their picnics with them to sit on the balconies or on the lawn surrounding the stage to drift off into a land of intrigue and adventure. Villains’ were bad and the hero’s always astride a white steed. Damsels were coy and reserved and gentlemen were gentlemen through and through.

Those were the days, and they dulled over the years into obscurity and humanity has swopped it for what? Fast cars, fast food and even faster women have become the norm. We as a society need to sit still, without the phones, televisions, and gadgets to contemplate life for what it was, has become and will be in the future. We seem to have lost the ‘human touch’ which is a sad thought. Everyone for themselves which goes against the laws of nature but gratification of our senses seems to be the order of the day now.

I for one will invest in a dining room table, big enough to fit twelve people or more, situated in an open room with a natural fireplace for those cold winter nights. I may even learn to play the piano and have that situated in the same room. I will swop the tungsten and florescent light bulbs for soft candle glow and oil lamps will serve more than a decorative purpose. There will be a comfortable relaxed and gracious air to the occasion and manners and respect will be in place.

I know I am babbling again but I so miss the authentic air of yesteryear that I do think we should pay more attention to being human and less attention to being ‘materialistic gratification addicts’

Thus done and said, on the 1^st day of February in the year of our good Lord 2011

Can you live with it?

2011-01-31T21:49:00.005+02:00

.
I ask you ! Can you live with your current set of circumstances be it home, social, work or any kind of situation you may find yourself in? If your answer is 'Yes' then move on for this will be nothing but waffling to you. But if it is 'NO' then hang around for I dare to speak out and lay my claim and name to the following statement...

"You are only where you are in life, through your own actions and activities. "

Dare not! lay blame at another's feet for your situation or predicament, as you have taken the steps to get where you are today. Up until the age of seven you learn and have learnt all there is to learn about yourself, as in character, preferences, taste and so on. Sure they change, but there is nothing more that your parents can teach you that you are not able to teach yourself.

So what have 'you' done thus far? Are you proud of who you are, can you with confidence step out and lay your claim to a piece of the world and call it your own? If not, dare I ask why and what are you doing that limits your actions and activity, for that is your starting point.

Do you want to change? Dare you challenge this life as an individual or are you content to be a sheep. No single body or entity alive or dead for that matter can tell you what you may and may not be. I say, take what you want and be damned the rest, for until you challenge this life it will control you and chase you into a hole in the ground so deep that you will need an excavator to get yourself out. All life does to us, is control, and manipulate us into a case of the blind following the blind.

ONE SIMPLE TEST...

When last did you come up with an original idea or thought? Something that you can relate to, something that makes people listen when discussed or something that is uniquely yours?

Today? Yesterday? Last week? Last year? EVER???

Think about it... Trust me it is worth thinking about.

DO NOT SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST !!!

Take charge, challenge your predicaments and consciously set sail in a direction you want to go, not where the wind takes you along with all the rest.

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The time has arrived...

2011-01-31T21:15:00.007+02:00

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I find it strange that at forty four odd years old I have discovered that getting to know yourself is critical in one's own development. Here I am in JHB, possibly the least exciting city in the country for me at this time, and being faced with a myriad of issues and obstacles I can feel the buildup of tension, the uneasiness that always accompanies change. I honestly look forward to it and again having been through these changes before I fully realise what it takes.

Getting the whole process going is the worst. I have sufficient frustration built up now to tackle the tasks at hand and will, as per my previous blog notes, conquer all in one fell swoop.

"Molon Labe" 'ye heathen lot - darest you! to even attempt getting the upper hand. Fear me, for I shall strike fear into your belly and both shatter and conquer your pathetic attempts at control.

I have a mission and a cause, a just one at that, so starting the 1st February 2011, I regain control and stake my claim.

"THIS IS MY TURF" so just back OFF...

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The Body Slam ...

2010-11-29T18:39:00.006+02:00

The feeling is unfelt at any one time, but rather a gathering of emotions and issues beyond ones control. They dodge your subconscious constantly realigning themselves for the perfect shot. One on one you are able to dismiss them with utter disdain but combined as a united force as they sometimes do, becomes a wicked challenge and worthy adversary.

The trick is in identifying the ring leaders and addressing them with the most violent manner thinkable. This kills the others spirits to a large extent. Ooh don't get me wrong, they will always come at you as that is life and its course. The challenge comes in handling what you need to and dismissing those that are not worthy of your attention.

For example, I have of late been under a lot of pressure both work wise, within my immediate family and socially. Now as mentioned earlier one by one is simple to handle but they have all got together and on mass decided to attack. My list of issues grows daily and with expert precision they pester me till I am able to commit the most heinous of actions.

Everything is pilling up and the hill has turned into a mountain and I fully realise that before long I will need to go around it instead of over it. That is not acceptable so my only option is to dig and sort out the issues one by one. The body slam will come but I have prepared and am fully capable of handling them when everything arrives at my front door.

It is my humble opinion that we always have these issues constantly hanging around in our head itching for a brawl but we also have the ability to supress them for a period of time long enough to address the worst ones first and kinda thin the others out.

So this is my current state of mind and soul and within myself the war rages but I am also fully aware that these things will come to an end and in so doing leave me feeling a lot lighter and far more pleasant to get on with that is my current case. Bear with me as I desperately wish to break their hold over me but am duty bound to maneuver this way and that to gain a tactical advantage. I need something solid behind my back to make a stand and that wall will soon enough be here, long enough for me to catch my breath and rally the troops into some semblance of a united army.

The outcome requires nothing more than a smile and a little love to be spread about and a forgetfulness of the past and history shared. Only then will the spirit conquer the mind and the soul shall respond joyously to carry us further...

OUTLAW

2010-11-05T06:39:00.002+02:00

Boundaries created by my fellow man, have resulted in me desperately wanting to become an outlaw. An activity and title I would honour and uphold with vigor, but alas duty and responsibilities prevent this course and so I will bide my time till another day...

M.E.

Marine Sniper answers question...

2010-10-28T07:00:00.003+02:00

Reporter;

So tell me you are a sniper and as such you kill people as a profession. What do you feel when you, say, kill a terrorist?

Marine;

" The recoil "

OK!

Simple enough?

Lessons from the past...

2010-10-28T04:09:00.003+02:00

I got an insight into why this life is the way it is and this insight both confirmed and reinforced my opinions and thoughts to such an extent that I need not ask anything further. In this process I find that the need for answers diminished with knowledge gained (obvious deduction there)

So to send out a message of apology for a life that we have all but forgotten may seem strange to the majority of this world it is a path of cleansing for me and so...

To those historic and unexplained feelings and especially to those moments in life where you, myself or collectively 'we' had a connection it would seem that there is a history here of our own making. The exact reasons and circumstances elude me but the general view is one of regret, sorrow and shame.

Hear Ye all, what is done is done, what we can and cannot understand is of absolutely no importance in this world. We live to pay off our karmic debt. Lets pay this debt by initially understanding it and secondly accepting it. If the hate, resentment or shame still controls you then it is my humble opinion that you should move on. We are governed by our love for our Satguru and acceptance of our lot in life starts with forgive and forget. No transgression is too large or insurmountable as to block you on this path. This is Kal's world and as such should not be taken seriously. Yes we owe but acceptance is the key to understanding, and the will, energy and motivation to continue comes from your Satguru.

Without the Love, you shall hinder your spiritual progress and stagnate and wallow in your emotions. Please I implore you, move on with the certainty that I have no recollection or for that matter opinion regarding things done and said, but rather a burning desire to see those I love steady on their path to God realization.

We have been blessed with the ability to love and it is the only account in life that gains interest faster than we are able to give it away. The only objective, in my opinion, of this life is God realization and thus we MUST focus on nothing else. Channel that objective into everything you do and I mean everything and the objective of your efforts will reach you way sooner than you could possibly imagine. Do not stop living and become a hermit but rather partake in this worlds offerings as a observer more than a player.

Very basically and 'of this world' kinda logic here but it equates to a pee break on a long journey. Bear with me here! JHB to Cape Town represents your souls existence and the pee break your life as you know it now on earth. If you get caught up in reading the graffiti on the walls and or even contributing to it you are delaying your journey. The objective is to "pay" and move on as the wonders of the 'destination' far exceed the scribbling of graffiti read or contributions you may offer.

It is very difficult to gauge your progress on this journey but ultimately it always remains the destination that should stay in focus. The more you slow down on this road trip the more the scenery comes into focus and thus distracts you more and more. Do not swop your time here on earth for pleasures of this world except in the passing as the ultimate destination will literally be out of this world.

In my opinion...

Things I have heard recently ...

2010-10-21T20:28:00.004+02:00

I am going through a movie watching phase and here are two lines that stood out for me in the movie

'The International' - good movie but somehow did not draw one in (?) strange comment I know but still a good one to watch.

1) "Character is easier kept than recovered"

2) "Sometimes a man meets his destiny, on the road he chose to avoid it"

Both pretty cool sayings I think

Ciao..

Decisions we make...

2010-10-17T20:03:00.004+02:00

I have to laugh at myself from time to time as I have made decisions that matter and some that have no effect on the world at all. The reason I laugh is mostly due to the fact that I do realise any decisions I may make reaches no more than three or four people around me and even then they are taken with a pinch of salt and everyone moves on.

Inadvertently, whilst cleaning up my act, I stumbled upon SUGAR as a topic and thought it may pay me to do a little research. You see I have heard the affects that coffee and caffeine have on the system and the damage it does etc and a natural progression from cutting coffee out of my daily liquid intake includes the sugar that went with it. I discovered that I consumed in excess of 40 kg of sugar a year in my coffee alone. WHAT ? You heard me forty kilograms worth of sugar a year in coffee alone. 2 teaspoons per cup, daily cups = 8 cups = 100 grams sugar per day. Multiply that by 365 days in the year gives you 36,5 kg sugar UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES. no early morning cups - no late night working cups - no out for dinner cups etc etc...

If you research sugar you will find a whole heap of information both pro sugar and those against it. Sift through it and make up your own mind. The most startling for me was two salient points namely, a) no nutritional value to sugar at all - and I mean zero nothing. and secondly more importantly for me is that 'most' of the sugar manufacturers still use animal "Bone Char" to whiten the sugar. WHAT animal products in sugar ??? Yup you heard me, Bone Char is still used to whiten sugar. Of three major sugar producers in South Africa not one has as yet responded to my enquiries regarding the process they apply.

Please do not take this statement or pronouncement, as a knock the sugar guys, but rather my mind saying that there is enough overall evidence that Sugar is purely for taste and of no nutritional use at all. Besides the 'animal' product used to produce it there are a myriad of negatives connected to sugar that made me decide to cut it out entirely. Two weeks now and not a single grain has passed my lips. No chocolate, no sweets and nothing containing sugar. The more you research the more you discover what and how sugar affects the body. For example; it is not the sugar that makes you fat... it is the effect it has on your bodies chemistry and functions that causes your body to store the 'other' sugars.

Withdrawal symptoms from sugar? Damn right there is, for the first week of no sugar I was exhausted by 10h00. Besides the screaming headaches for most of the day i was yawning my head off only to discover with a bit of research, that the two spoons of sugar combined with my two spoons of coffee every two hours or so was my boost to keep the body on a high. Combine that with the twenty odd years of consuming sugar and coffee this way, it has to have a reaction on the body. I have just worked out the total sugar consumption for my 22 odd years of drinking it based on the details noted earlier... a staggering 803 kilograms of sugar - 197 kilograms short of a ton. WHAT STRAIN has we exposed our systems too?

Now I sound like an alarmist !!!

The folk around me have had lectures and research shoved under their noses for two weeks now and I think if I mention sugar once more someone is likely to punch me.

Hahahaha well that is done - no more sugar or sweetener ( I will not scare you with what that does to your system) from now on.

THUS DONE AND DECLARED THIS DAY 17th September 2010

Why we fail...

2010-10-17T10:25:00.004+02:00

One of the reasons we fail constantly is, in my opinion, due to the fact that we settle for less than perfect, purely through our own desire to fill the space. We have an emotional need so we fill it with something closest to our ideal. Not with the perfect match or desire but the closest we can during our allotted allowable waiting period. I have waited 44 years for my soul mate match and have had people ridicule me for never getting married. It is not that I made bad choices it is just that the choices were, what I wanted not what I needed. If that makes any sense.

We have a debt to people and their souls that need to be paid. The results of this existence are governed by my previous journeys and actions. I need to satisfy those debts till they have been worked off and then I move on. And some of them continue on the side line to be paid off as and when we have contact. That all being well and fine considering the past but what my focus should be is what debts am I creating at this very moment that I will need to pay off in the future. Am I creating debt that I need to return to this world to pay off, or am I creating reward or in other words debts owed to me. Debts owed to me is in credit and thus a tradable item with respect to the fact that I can give it up at any time if need be. If I owe I can not trade or give it up but have to return to pay those debts as I can not give them up even if someone takes responsibility for them the fact remains I still owe that debt to that person as I caused the debt in the first place, I have no choice but have to take responsibility for it.

So this leaves me with the practical applications of this trail of thought. What is it I do that generates this positive and negative debt. Love has its own rewards, and the very basics of this debt system remains entrenched in love. Give it freely without expectation of rewards and your load will become lighter. Thought is more powerful than deed as we are able to control both thought and deed. But thought is always far more vicious than deed.

As an example in this current day and age... Driving on the highway and a guy cuts you off arrogantly and taunts you in some or other way. By thinking about what you want have happen to him, be it a beating or being pushed off the road etc all of this focuses your negative energy thoughts and 'want of the deed' onto him. But now we need to analyse this. The focus in this world is on his person, property and behavior, but we all seem to forget that that thought pattern and 'want' of causing harm to him is not on the physical but rather it is on the soul. We are two souls communicating not two humans. That is the trick in this world. We have been conditioned to concentrate on the 'opposition not the fellow soul'. We will drive him off the road, jump out and beat him up or possibly worse, and climb back into our cars and go to the pub and tell our buddies how we opened a can of 'whip ass' on some guy that deserved it and proudly show off the scratches and dents on both our knuckles and car where we 'connected' him. Wow ! what a moment of triumph. "Imagined or in reality"

Sadly it is in my opinion quite the opposite entirely. We have created a debt that will need to be repaid either now or later depending on your account status. You have inflicted a crime upon a fellow soul that can not be wiped away or traded, but needs to be repaid. And it is the one fundamental rule of this creation that 'as you sow - so you shall reap' or the philosophy of 'Yin and Yan' or a myriad of other terms explaining that there can only be one reaction to any action and that is 'reaction' which in turn can only take on one type of reaction, that being either positive or negative.

IT IS OUR CHOICE, as to how this works out. I am far from a happy clapper and am naive to this worlds 'religious' beliefs and cultures but this I do know, I am responsible for all that I control and my mind is the most powerful and complex of tools, yet it is the least controlled instrument in our arsenal. We have absolutely no idea the power we have harnessed within our own skull and in my opinion it is about bloody time that we wizened up and learned.

DBT 17/10/2010

We deserve the best ...

2010-10-17T10:23:00.002+02:00

If you are faced with a set of circumstances that you are not entirely happy with, change them as soon as is possible. The further you accept less than 100%, the more that becomes acceptable and thus lowers your standards to the mean average... Don't sell yourself short - WE DESERVE THE BEST its up to us to accept nothing less. DBT

Joe Cocker - A Little Help From My Friends - Woodstock 1969

2010-05-31T21:00:00.000+02:00

Off the track...

2010-05-31T20:04:00.002+02:00

Damn I kinda got a bit heated up on my last entry or two (Ok maybe three or four)

You see I write during the week as and when I get the chance and it usually is when I take a break or am opinionated within my own mind and need to vent. The writing are all emotional related ie; when I am cross I tell the world to back off and when I am frustrated it try to correct the world and when I am lonely or down I write 'fluffy' stuff you know that kinda mushy bla di bla that I tend to write from time to time.

So in essence it is rather easy to see where I am in life. Frustration is what I have been cursed with and is my biggest obstacle in life. I get so frustrated because people can be so blind at times and so, what's the word (don't want to, or mean to, sound condescending) basic comes to mind but is way to harsh. People get wrapped up in their life and right down to traffic manners and supermarket actions and reactions that I am astounded that at a supermarket this morning, a man in front of me was complaining that the ice cream he had bought was too solid and frozen last time and he had to wait for it to defrost some before he could eat it.

HELLO !!! And yes I fully realise that he has a right to complain about it and yes maybe it was not right but when last did he drive through India, Pakistan, damn even our own back yard and seen the conditions there. If he wants soft ice cream make it yourself, just the way you like it. How does that sound? I can relate to his problem but dare ask the question - SO WHAT ?

You see folks (that is my problem) it is very easy to fly off the handle and I endeavor to tame my reaction and even though I succeed most of the time I desperately want to control it all the time. Can this be done I ask?

Only time will tell...

M.E. 31/05/2010

This is I ...

2010-05-30T15:26:00.003+02:00

There is no doubt as to my direction in life. I do not wonder

as to the meaning or purpose of it. I know my purpose and direction.

I even know my goal and its ultimate location.

What frustrates me is the interference I get from this world

and its residents. They attempt to teach me, control me, and force their opinions,

ideology and theories onto me constantly. At the same time they wish to punish me,

jail me and brainwash me into their expectations, not realising that I have learnt to

play the game on my terms and according to my rules.

I will never be a follower, or a sheep and I refuse to be one of many. I will not

bow down to any body or entity. You will be sidelined in your entirety by my actions

and activity, if you wish to preach to me on my activity in this world.

Even though it is not my personality or nature to warn or challenge you

I wish it to be known that I have a mind and know its worth and uses.

Offer me the same respect as I offer you, to be tolerant of my views

and opinions which are never offered by me unless asked for. Similarly I have

no need to be converted or saved by anything or anyone in this world. I will

listen without judgement and offer honest comments if asked.

I appreciate intelligence but do not expect it to keep your company. I love quiet dinners,

jazz music and adventure outdoors. I am passionate to capture our world on film but

have no desire to take any of it with me. I will not abandon you unless you

request it through action or word. I have no wants but only gratitude for my have's.

I love to love just as I love to laugh ! I love life for I understand its purpose,

therefore I love without expectations of any returns or rewards.

That being said and done, and based on your acceptance, let us sit and chat till the rising sun.

M.E. 24/05/2010

I ask for ...

2010-05-30T15:05:00.003+02:00

NOTHING ! but the understanding and love to continue...

M.E. 30/05/2010

Endeavor I shall...

2010-05-30T14:43:00.003+02:00

I shall endeavor to be responsible,

to be kind and loving to all whom may cross my path

no matter what the occasion or circumstances.

I shall refrain from being cruel, criticize or judgmental

whether the actions be good or bad regarding

the activities of my fellow man.

I shall work diligently to better my lot in this life

without influence or disruption to another's and

my gains shall not equate to another's loss and all

gains beyond my needs shall be shared generously.

I shall share my knowledge and life with whomsoever

wishes it so, and I shall be bound by 'honour',

'compassion' and 'love' without the expectation of a reward.

I shall lead a householders lifestyle, and work to earn a livable wage

in order to maintain said lifestyle without need for further want.

I will explore this earth and its people by whatever means at my disposal.

The objective being to fully explore and gauge our parameters.

I shall not want after anything I have not honestly earned through

my own efforts or for that matter accept gifts that I am unable to repay.

I will love to the best of my ability

but reserve my true love for my Sat-Guru

I will attend to my spiritual duty and dedicate my

entire life and efforts to the pursuance of God realization.

For you see all of this is committed in His name and it is

in His home that I wish to reside in.

M.E. 27/05/2010

This life...

2010-05-30T14:26:00.004+02:00

We are challenged through every aspect of our lives.

Daily we are put through our paces and jump

through hoops designed by our fellow human beings.

Is it not time to change the pattern of this course

of disastrous events leading to God knows where?

We mimic our ancestors, partake in events that

severely limit our ability and above all live by another's rules.

Enough I say, break out of this mould and simply

Take charge of what is rightly yours and never allow this

dogma, to become your karma.

M.E. 25/05/2010

2010-05-30T14:14:00.002+02:00

...

What pray tell hides behind the green door?

...

M.E.

2010-05-30T13:56:00.001+02:00

.

There comes a time in a man's life where he needs to

stand up and be counted. He needs to be a 'man' and

when this time comes the benefit for taking this stand

is entirely for his own keeping, as it becomes his

yard stick in life with which to measure his tolerances.

Courage does not lie in a valiant act but rather in repeating it........

M.E. 27/05/2010

Today ...

2010-05-30T12:38:00.001+02:00

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What treasures are we to discover today,

a special hug?, a strangers smile?, or an act of selflessness?

I eagerly await the rising sun for i know that the treasure hunt

starts early and the treasure comes in the giving...

M.E. 25/05/2010

Solitude of the open road...

2010-05-30T12:23:00.003+02:00

I so long for the solitude of the open road.

The answers seem to come to you as

surely as the horizons will loom.

Quests and trials seem harder and more difficult

yet it would seem that we learn so much more.

I wish to again embark on such a quest of meaning,

a trip of adventure and delve into the depths of my

mind that only solitary travel can achieve.

I seek not for answers but wish to

wallow in my thoughts, rejoice in

my careless wanderings and above all

arrive at a point of realization where the

world fades and I catch sight of my true home.

M.E. 25/05/2010

It is as expected...

2010-05-30T12:05:00.002+02:00

It is as expected, for I gather momentum after

glancing backward. Etched in the sands

follow a staggering set of footprints

each grain of sand leaving an imprint on my soul.

Good or bad, its all in the stagger. Infinite

detail gained and lost in a single step.

Direction equates to 'over yonder' and the

elements of time only understood by 'Father'.

for you see, nature is a 'Mother' and to be

treated as such.

Striding out is an art and walking tall an advert,

but alas we must continue for it is in our walk

that a stride is created and in turn the stride

becomes a trot. Trot easily becomes a dash which

left unchecked becomes a sprint.

It is in this sprint that reality is noted and

realization dawns, that unless you have a quest

a couch will always be good enough.

If a couch is acceptable then play on,

but if not, then the purity of the quest must

outshine the reality by far.

Seek not the ultimate quest but rather

achieve 'your' ultimate quest.

M.E. 26-05-2010

Cari ...

2010-05-24T18:59:00.004+02:00

My breath catches and my body shudders

at the mere thought of you.

It envelopes me as the mist on

an isolated beach.

I breath it in, I taste its character

and I feel its presence. I hear nothing,

and I see very little but I dare to

embrace and cherish this shroud

with every fiber of my being.

It transforms my very existence from the

now to the forever more,

no value will be attached, no ransom to great

and no toll ever taken for you

my love, are my everything.

M.E. 24/05/2010

WHY...?

2010-05-24T18:46:00.003+02:00

Why lay waste a mind

through inactivity, when

progress can be so profound

when it is engaged in

meaningful pursuits.

M.E. 24/05/2010

Thoughts...

2010-05-24T18:37:00.005+02:00

To wake a mind requires the eviction of every thought

and the conviction that this be true.

It is only at this juncture that function becomes form.

Never doubt the fact that a world of absolute difference

exists beyond this point. One microscopic taste

of its glory will take over your entire being and

envelope you in a shroud of love and divinity.

You will detest having to return daily yet

must do so to clear the slate of karmic debt

in order to move inward and homeward.

Never loose faith as only this love and faith are the glue

to the next step and without it we are bound

to this senseless existence and are destined

to repeat it time and time again.

M.E. 24/05/2010

Something to ponder...

2010-05-24T18:25:00.004+02:00

I long for the stillness of a crashed wave,

the settling dust of a dessert run.

Above all I miss the silence of a forest leaf falling to the ground.

Those sounds that evoke an elated breath,

the same sounds that stills a beating heart.

They are out there, yet are so elusive to our

untrained ear and suggest a non-existence

to only the believers.

Hearing them becomes an art of mind and soul union

and their ultimate separation.

Its only at this time of separation that 'the' sound comes flooding in

to chime away the hours which diminish with the rising sun.

Hear Ye all, till there is absolutely nothing,

it is only then that everything will be heard

Long not for this life but rather the stillness of a forgotten mind.

M.E. 24/05/2010

2010-05-05T10:12:00.003+02:00

"Molon Labe"

Old Greek saying / statement at the final battle of the Spartans with only three hundred men against thousands a general stated "Come and get it" (loose translation) as the war cry challenge to the Persia Invaders.

Today it refers to the english "Over my dead body"

And so it is - To life and all her issues and the people that interfere and seek to influence my existence I dare say It is time to take a stand...

"MOLON LABE"

2010-05-05T10:10:00.001+02:00

MAN YOU JUST GOT TO LOVE THIS ONE !!!

Mission ...

2010-05-01T20:14:00.002+02:00

YUP I AM ON A MISSION !!!

Change ...

2010-05-01T19:40:00.003+02:00

Damn !!! So much has happened and yet so much has stagnated that at times (as i am sure with us all) I am super confident and then again at other times doubting my way.

I have resurrected this blog directly due to Alicia (a good friend) as she enquired about its address and existence and of course whether i still posted blogs and such any more. Alas truth be told i have not thought of it in a very long time and life has kinda overtaken me recently. I am however very proud to announce that i will start again with regular, if not arbitrary (as usual) entries and no doubt a few off the wall comments and ideas.

I so long to write full time and revert back to my art and photography days that at times it seems as if it is a physical pain that i endure.

So my dearest Alicia, i thank you from the bottom of my heart for the enquiry and the spurt that brought this blog back to life. Believe it or not i wish to write 'stuff' that will impress you not to impress but to further kindle a literary side to my life that has been lacking for awhile now. I am too old and too ugly to impress any more but i have over the years learnt that the only person i need impress is myself. This i realize is egotistical but at the end of the day who is it that we want recognition from. I want to look at myself and say 'Damn good job Duncan' and move on to bigger and better things.

What is bigger and better than what i am doing ? well that in itself is a quandary for you see unless you know what the next big thing is, you remain stagnant. To quote a saying a wise friend of mine once said; "How can you change direction if you are not moving" So from that very day forward, several years ago, i have kept moving. Massive life changes took place and admittedly a few have resulted in regrets but Man! have i had fun. I gave up everything i stood for and followed my heart.

I have lived the last few years and am on the brink of the "Next Big One" What does that entail you ask ... well i want to settle down !!! Yup i said it 'settle down'. And as scary as that may sound i am SOOOOO looking forward to it.

But that is all for another days conversation and blog entry ...

Get out of the rut...

2009-12-30T20:42:00.003+02:00

So here we are at the tail end of 2009 and for the life of me I can't fathom out why I have achieved so little in the two years that i have been back in South Africa. There is so much to get done and so much to strive for as I have usually done but the last two years have escaped me. Whats new in my life since my return. Well one is Carmina, major step and the second is a motorcycle. And scary as it may be that is it. I have helped my Dad out through a really rough patch medically by keeping his company afloat and in turn helped my Mom out recently through a rough patch medically but that is nothing out of the ordinary. People do that on a daily basis. I as in Duncan have not learnt or progressed very much at all. No new skills, no new education, no new adventures and no noticeable change to a lifestyle that leads nowhere.

So 2010 will be a year of change, a year of adventure, learning and forward movement on the educational front as well as the spiritual front. Carmina and I have to think of the future as we can not remain living the way we do and at the same time I need to take the company and shake it up in order to start achieving some solid results and financial rewards. I have fallen fould of accepting the 'lot' life has handed me and forgotten that it is all my own doing. So a change will be in the coming wind and i fully intend to seize it with both hands and throttle it into a shape of my own.

BRING IT ON 2010

Xmas is done...

2009-12-28T13:27:00.003+02:00

Well this being the first time in ages that i have visited or written on the blog shows that my life has slowed down long enough to contemplate exploration and have a bit of time on my hands. I so miss writing and being creative that I wonder if anyone still has the time these days!

I will get back into it and start updating soon enough - starting with some pictures of Xmas is as good a place as any.

Hugs kisses and sweet dream wishes !

How not to go down a hill on a Motorcycle...

2009-11-30T17:54:00.003+02:00

She has returned...

2009-10-01T21:17:00.003+02:00

I am sure by now you are sick of hearing about Thumper but just to fill you in i collected her from the shop yesterday and the minor items have been sorted out so i am smiling from ear to ear... Took her for a spin this evening and MAN HAS SHE GOT GRUNT !!! Awesome to be riding again and with a few modifications this evening she will hummmmmmm this weekend.

Off to the dirt track on saturday evening to watch the races with the family and will definately post some pictures come sunday as i plan to take my camera equipment with - wow first time in ages the camera is being brought out.

Hugs and all and fond greetings to those of you that still read this babbling .... God Bless

M.E.

Mmmmmmmm....

2009-09-29T16:25:00.002+02:00

Honda CRF 450 R (2002)

2009-09-27T10:29:00.004+02:00

2002 Honda CRF 450 R

2009-09-27T09:59:00.002+02:00

Thumper.za

The Bike story - revised

2009-09-27T09:43:00.004+02:00

Well folks here we are again and in true 'duncan' fashion all has changed since our last entry and the scenario is as such totally changed. The suzuki shown previously has gone as there was no legal paperwork for it and i chose another bike which in my opinion was a better deal for riding not for convenience but an awesome ride indeed. It is a Honda CRF 450 R which is a track bike from honda and is a race ready production 450 cc motorcycle. Being second hand and the price it was i could not expect much and was therefore not too unsettled in the fact that after the first ride i returned it to "Bikes Galore" where i bought it. There is a clutch / gear selection issue as well as a more disturbing engine 'knock' that needs to be addressed. So i dropped it off on friday and we will see what they do during this week coming.

I will post a picture as it is and will remain an awesome looking bike and as far as power is concerned pretty damn impressive. I did not unfortunately get a chance to push it at all as the engine knock was disturbing and lest i seize or seriously damage the engine i took it easy and as stated returned it to the retailer for repair.

Monday i will make a call and chat to the folks that side. Holding thumbs that we get something organised as i really like the bike so we may even consider a compromise of sorts and lessen the financial implications for them in order to get what i want. I do however still maintain that the least they could have done was let me know what the issues were with the bike prior to me buying it. I understand that they need to sell bikes in order to make money but this is borderline 'ripping me off' to make that money - so we will see what transpires.

till later

M.E.

The Bike ...

2009-09-20T18:26:00.004+02:00

This is what the bike looks like even though this is not the 'actual' bike. Just a note to show you what i am smiling about this week hahaha...

Well the question is ....?

2009-09-20T11:17:00.003+02:00

Ok so here we are..... Bike still at shop but the burning question remains! Do i convert this site into the Motography and post all my entries here or just create another blog???

Initially I am of the opinion that i should just carry on here with this site as it is after all just an extension of my activity and the 'current' interest. Ooh Yes - you kinda missed the model airplane flying in between my last activity and the more recent - i will post a video and some pictures soon. But onto more pressing matters... DRZ 400 Suzuki - awesome machine for the trail rider which i consider myself soon to become. Reasoning is that due to the maniacs on Gautengs roads and being the speed freak i am i have opted not to go for the road bike / super bike route as i know my days will be definitely limited if i bought a road bike versus my days on two wheels being somewhat extended if i went the off road and trail bike route. Falling down gorges and ravines seem to be infrequent versus getting connected by a car on one of our national roads. I love my camping and outdoors and combine that with my love for motorcycles and the obvious photography i kinda thought that this would be the answer.

I have purchased a really cheap action camera which will be mounted onto the helmet / bike depending on vibration interference (was meant for the model airplane) and we will log trips and adventures and see if we can get a clearer picture of the joys relating to trail riding. I have nicknamed myself "Thumper z.a." as after almost twenty five odd years i find myself back on a thumper and will once again piss off the neighbors. I grew up on XT 500's and simply loved those machines. But enough waffling for now - i will get all my shit organised and get back to you soon regarding the collection / inspection and first ride. My kit had been purchased and well all i need do is get the contract signed and collect the bike and VIOLA !!!

Will chat later no doubt as i am a kid with a new toy and enthusiasm far outshines logic or rational behaviour at this stage hahahaha - what can i say LIVE LOVE AND HAVE A BALL

"BLUE SIDE UP"

"MOTOGRAPHY"

2009-09-18T14:16:00.003+02:00

The simple yet pleasurable art of combining Photography with Motorcycling !!!

Neat or what ?

So here it is - as of today i am the proud owner of a simple yet gutsy machine and that being a Suzuki DRZ 400. Now this is not a track bike or for that matter a road bike but simply put a workhorse type bike somewhere inbetween. It has taken me awhile to free up some time to enjoy my bikes again and well this the start of "Motography"

I am in the initial setting up stages - have kit - day or two will have bike - have camera - have attitude and will find a place to explore. Most of all i have this burning desire to straddle a bike and play... it may be a down grade from the Transalp but for the mountains it represents a longer road and a steeper climb as it is almost half the weight of the Transalp which was the biggest issue i had when in the mountains.

So bear with me as i get my shit together and then i will start posting both still and video images of my adventures and welcome any and all partners in crime to join in the fun...

Till then take care and remember to always keep the "BLUE SIDE UP"

M.E.

What's up folks?

2009-09-07T19:41:00.005+02:00

Well here i am again, gone a full circle so to speak - from restless and writing to exploring and occupation to new relationships and adventure and now i settle into a rhythm that kinda becomes unsettling after awhile. He is babbling again i hear you say - and what the hell is he on about?

Life goes around in a series of events and no matter what the circumstances their sequence is always the same whether we realize it or not. There is an obvious up swing followed by a mellow swing and then the depressing swing comes into play and after all of that we get the determination swing. The determination swing is where i am at and this does become the most creative part of the cycle and for this i am very happy as there is so, so much to be done and live for.

I miss my writing - i miss my freedom of opinion or instruction yet at the same time have gained so much in the last year that trying to equate the two does not make sense. I have lost a lifestyle that is for sure and along with that a few friends but i move on knowing that true friends know how i feel and slap me on the back as i rush by down a new avenue, for you see they know that my heart remains true and all they need do is smile or call and i will be there whether they believe so or not and it is up for testing at any stage.

So yes life moves on and i find that my true self deserves to return to its original course but this time with a wonderful companion and a spirit of renewal. I will return to the writing and fuel up the creative expression and let you know which avenue i am to explore ....

HUGS - KISSES & SWEET DREAM WISHES

Is this what it is all about?

2009-04-13T19:57:00.004+02:00

How is it that man has not learnt, or ventured forth to claim his glory? Daily we are faced with scenario’s that repeat themselves over and over again yet we draw this shroud around us! It is my humble opinion that there are really two main types of people in this world. Those that lead and those that follow. When I say lead I do not necessarily mean ‘Lead’ in the traditional sense altogether but those folk that actually go out into this world and do something. I find it sad that people in general are so conditioned by their circumstances and their apparent lot in life that they do not seek out an alternative or different avenue but rather stay in their ‘comfort’ zone if you could refer to it as such, even though they appear to be miserable.

I say take a stand! It is as simple as making a decision and living by it. We are programed to fail by society and our peers, siblings and colleagues alike. It is human nature to fail, we have all done it at some time or another. Riding a bicycle is possible the most common of them all. You hear people say “If you fall off, pick yourself up and try again” But how many of us actually do that when applying this theory to life. I guarantee you that at least 90% of this world put the bike (obstacle) in the garage and promise to try again when we feel like it, or when the sun is out or possible when no one is around to witness the next fall (failure). This is the very point where that remaining ten percent say, “OK lets try that again!” Of the remaining ten percent five or six percent actually achieve their goal through adjusting their circumstances to give themselves better odds of not falling again. BUT there is that one percent that will ask, why are we riding bicycles when we could be flying or sailing or even inventing something like a jet pack, or powered roller blades. If a thirteen year old can sail around the world solo (2003) on a yacht then dammit! I too can achieve.

And immediately our collective conditioning kicks in and our mind says to us, Ooh! he had the opportunity or his parents had the money or any myriad of excuses appear in our minds eye to justify why if only we had what he did we could have done the same. And you know what I agree with you. BUT when last did you take the lead in your life and change circumstances to suit yourself? You are still overweight, after trying so many diets. Have you ever considered all you need do is to stop eating so much? Your car was poorly serviced and needs attention but you don’t have the money because your boss is a miser. Have you ever considered that you could repair it yourself at a fraction of the cost! Or, get a better job would be an obvious solution. But straight away our mind says to us we don’t have the expertise to service a vehicle or for that matter the tools. So we will sit at home on the our broken couch, bitching about a car service company whilst drinking a case of beers which would have covered the cost of the spares your vehicle needed. Go Figger!!!

The leaders make a plan, they make a conscious decision to better their life, and by this I do not mean becoming an astronaut after finishing primary school I mean planning and plotting your avenue to achieve that astronaut status. If that is what you want to become then their is absolutely nothing standing in your way excepting what YOU place there. We stand back far too much in this day and age, accepting what the world tell us to do. Have you ever considered who it is that is tell us what to do? Their is a distinct barrier with regards to being civil and respectful to others but that does not mean that because the norm is to wear clothes we must do the same, or for that matter adhere to rules conjured up by a society that does not allow new growth or ideas. The Wright brothers were ridiculed prior to their first flight, Alexander Graham Bell was also called a fool for wanting to communicate through a cable over long distances. Just because we can not imagine the technology or perceive the possibility does not mean it can not be done it simply means we have not found a way as yet.

Go out and find your way. A sculptor in Iceland once described her master piece before she carved it out of a solid block of ice. The interviewer, stating the obvious, ‘but it is just a block of ice, there is no image as yet’ was perplexed by the sculptors reply, which was that all she need do is remove the excess ice to reveal the sculpture inside. I think that it is only someone who is totally in control of themselves that can a) make that statement and b) bring it to its expected result. Is that not what we should be doing, removing the excess from our lives to reveal the jewel inside. I hear us say, ‘but how do we know what to remove, and the answer comes blaring forth. How will you know until you remove it? There are a myriad of success stories of people in this life that have a rags to riches story and the one common denominator is the drive to make it happen. Gary player is reported to have won his first golf tournament with only two clubs, a seven iron and a putter. The prize he won... a set of golf clubs. Sol Kersner’s first hotel was a dilapidated hotel in Durban, look at the man now! KFC recipe was marketed to one hundred and thirty two stores before someone bought it to use in their establishment, where is it today? Richard Branson was expelled from school, failed several grades and lost seven businesses before his first success, again I say look at the man now!

How is it then that we remain sheep whilst others thrive. Richard Branson said once in a lecture to his South African staff that if you wish to be successful then your first step is to surround yourself with successful people. How simple is that? All the reinforcing and positive statements are read and recited to us time and time again, a few I remember from my childhood are, ‘Grab life by the horns’ or ‘The world is your oyster’ and lets not forget ‘Every journey starts with a single step’ BUT I implore with you, what the hell did all those mean when you are faced with an issue that seemed insurmountable? And the ironic thing is that we humans have counter sayings for use after failure, like ‘The grass is greener on the other side’ or ‘The time was not right’ and of course ‘Rome was not built in a day’ We of course have varying degrees of pessimism ranging from those mentioned to ‘Well you cant win them all’ which remains a classic. How is that for killing drive in someone who is battling through life? There are no easy answers but what I have discovered is that it is an individual path of discovery. Listen without comment or criticism, watch without ridicule or judgment and then venture forth on your own journey.

People will always say to you after the fact, ‘But i told you so’ or ‘If only you had listened. At this point it comes down to this fact for me, the decisions I make are sometimes researched and sometime not, but this being said I am reasonably aware of the consequences of my actions and also that I do not and can not lay blame at anyone’s door except my own. This fact alone makes me responsible for my own actions and thus I learn on a daily basis, lessons that help me tomorrow. Arrogantly I claim that there is nothing I can’t do and it will only be a matter of time for me to prove to myself that this statement is in fact a reality or simply an illusion.

You need to find a cause or a direction that is not necessarily unique but which ultimately will answer or standardize the reaction to any and every question or scenario. By this I mean having a single goal for everything in life. If your goal is singular there ultimately can be only one answer to any and every question in life, or am I mistaken. Mine is having found a goal that has become my ultimate question in life or quest would be explaining it a little better. Throughout my life people have been banging on my door, telling me that I am doomed and on a road to nowhere unless I follow their ideals, be it work, play or spiritual. So at my own pace and using my limited intellect I sorted through all the questions and listened to most of the answers with an open mind and finally found what I deem to be the ‘big’ question.

“What is the meaning of life?”

And my answer to that, after all the exploring and faulty stepping along the way has to be recognition of the fact that there is an entity with far greater powers than us that runs this world of ours. Please do not let your mind close down here as this is not another ‘I have found God’ story but rather a acknowledgement that there is ‘something’ out there that makes me breath in my sleep, something that originally set my heart in motion and something that caused me to take my first breath besides a doctor slapping me on the bum. So the first step was accepting this fact that we are far outgunned when it comes to creating worlds as we have as yet not discovered where we came from let alone where we are going. We are unable to cure our illnesses and struggle to even understand them. So with this kind of logic I tackled the next obvious step, that being seeking an answer to this question I have concluded is the most important in my life. Having done this for a good many years in a good many countries and through a myriad of different faiths I concluded that very few people understood the question and, those that did referred me to literature that was so outdated I needed a translator to read them.

I concluded that there is ‘something’ that governs our day to day living here on earth and a natural conclusion is that it needed respect and acknowledgement from me in order to start understanding it. You do not swear at your teacher on your first day of school, for then it is a simple deduction that he or she will give you attitude for the entire year and your education will be limited to the basics and failure would almost be a certainty. So here I am today with a yard stick with which to measure my every action. This would include every single facet of my life bar none. And that is, every time I encounter a decision to be made in my life I refer it to my own brand of test. Would I be making progress towards or away from my ultimate goal of ‘God’ realization? If the choice I make right now takes me closer to ‘God’ realization I will gladly make that choice and forge ahead, but if that choice takes me away from my goal of ‘God’ realization then I refuse to take one more step, but rather change direction and start again.

FOR ME IT IS THAT SIMPLE !!!

He Returns ....

2009-02-16T21:43:00.001+02:00

Tigger Buddy where you been - Damn I bin lookin for ya for ages...

And the year is alive ...

2009-01-18T19:08:00.005+02:00

Wow how things move and change. So much water has passed under the bridge that i fear to look back in any form of detail lest i discover that i have lost my perception on reality. Never fear though for i have encountered a good year and a very promising one at that and now armed with the cutest backup any man could wish for i forge ahead with a renewed lust and life...

May the world smile upon us all this year as it is strengthened with the lessons from last and the challenges conquered have given us a strength to look onward and upward ....

I am home...

2008-12-02T11:28:00.002+02:00

-

There is a way the wind blows across a plain,
A way the rain falls across a valley, and a way
the clouds rise over a mountain peak.
That when seen from horseback after months on the trail,
seem to come alive with hope. Hope of a new dawn, hope of a new day.

On such a day I find my heart alive, teeming with content for I
know the trails end is nigh. I have crossed rivers, climbed mountains and touched the stars. All the while I have herded my charge through endless dusty days from water to water. They sense the home run is upon us and seem eager to forge ahead.

Time has come for me to see my girl, for it has been several months since I left. Will she be waiting, will she be loving, and above all will she embrace my return. The dusty trail has taken its toll, from the deep groves on my exposed face to the sun bleached tint in my hair, the broken bones have yet to heal and the limp is a touch more obvious. But I am soon to be home.

My coffers are full and my possessions remain mine for a time. The trail will call within a few months but for now I will be content with lying under a willow with my girl and together tracing patterns in the sky. A blade of sweet grass between my lips will surely bring a smile to my face. Endless hours of ice cold dips’ in the mountains lake and evening strolls along its shore. That is precisely what home is for.

I see the ranch now, and I see my girl waving on the steps for she heard the rumble of a four thousand strong herd and I have a notion that she felt me in her heart pressing on through the night. I am home and she is fine and bless her soul for she has the table set ready to dine. I have been riding far too long and wanting her gaze upon me for far too many moons. I am home and I find I am where I should be. Thank you Lord for ensuring that the waiting was worth the trials and tribulations of the path I had chosen.

-
-

Angel Dust ...

2008-11-30T15:05:00.008+02:00

-
It is indeed rare to find a person that holds your particular brand of dust...
You know the dust! the same dust that makes up the core fibres of your mind, body and soul.
That dust that when scattered naturally returns to its origin irrespective of time and place or for that matter even circumstance.

A little bit of hope and a little bit of pain got you to open your eyes, an inspired dream gave you the vision and 'Angel Dust' sprinkled by an enlightened soul gave you the means to achieve. It is on such a quest I now find myself. I have met an angel who holds my brand of sprinkle and I am wrestling with the forge to mould my scattered remains into a suit of armour. An object not of desire but rather one of strength and passion to withstand the battles of life. Having unchained the monsters and set them free I calmly fan the fire. Keeping the flame alight to fuel the forge and mould the armour from a battle weary piece of metal into the a glistening testimony to a new start, a new quest and a future.

We have stiched our relationship into a fabric of strength and dignity. With a sprinkling of "Angel Dust" we have pushed and probed our way around a room filled with desire and longing. It is this desire and longing that feeds the soul. Neither of us need saving but rather we wish to share and that sharing holds the key. To the 'Angel' that sprinkled the dust, I thank you and what I can say is though unheard by the ear, it is visible for the eyes to feast upon...

"EU TI AMOR"

(forgive the basic translation but slaying dragons cut into my education on language lessons)

-

How things change...

2008-11-23T19:55:00.003+02:00

I still, at the age of forty two find out that life is really unpredictable and love the fact that we assume so much on a daily basis that we do not anticipate or expect change. Such a change has come my way and even though I was hesitant to get involved I have to my pleasant surprise discovered that life can still be genuine. It is still early days and so much still to go through but as mentioned earlier it is a surprise and a pleasure.

We will let life take its course and wait on the pleasures and delights that promise to abound.

Music - rediscovery ...

2008-11-23T18:36:00.002+02:00

I have re/discovered the fact that I really enjoy certain types of music and I have started collecting tracks from far and wide to build up a ' itune ' collection second to none. So far all is going well with people like ...

Ted Nugent (who remembers him)
Elton John
Rod Stewart
Gordan Lightfoot
Jack Johnson
BB King
Art Garfunkel
Billy Holiday
Black Eyed Peas
Black Sabbath
Bob Seger
Springsteen
Cat Stevens
Chris Rea

Obviously I could go on for ages but you get the idea ... lovin it all (again)

Ciao for now

-

Done & Dusted...

2008-11-23T18:13:00.003+02:00

-

Well thankfully - issues have been addressed and fragmented emotions restored byt I fear I am no closer to a solution than I was when I scribed the previous blog entry. It has rectified certain issues but the core elements seem to remain. Only time will tell, and even though I hestitate to claim a victory I instead claim to have made progress. And such it shall remain till final results are tallied.

Nothing lost - but rather a slight gain ... all good

-

The time has come...

2008-11-18T07:10:00.004+02:00

-
I think the greatest injustice in life would be that of simply doing nothing about a situation when it is begging for attention. Such a time has come in my life and eventhough I dread the consequences of my actions and the results that may arise, it is overshadowed by the possibility that it may be of profound benefit to all those involved.
-
On such a sea I am now afloat... "All hands on Deck"
-

Kids....

2008-11-17T16:07:00.003+02:00

-

When asked recently what was the coolest thing about being an adult I answered, almost without hesitation;

Driving to the shops at any given time of day or night and buying a half liter of 'Ultramel' Custard and finishing it in the car before leaving the car park.

Hahahaha - Weird I know but there it is...

-

Compromise...

2008-11-17T12:15:00.005+02:00

There comes a time in ones life, where a decision is made
and lived by. That descision is consistantly based on life lived,
life to live and how much we are prepared to compromise.

When this compromise is not felt nor contemplated or for
that matter even dwelt on then it is deemed as such to be
a security and of no consequence or importance.

It is then that love becomes a reality, a charge and a force
to ride and explore with a joy unparalelled to common knowledge.
Such is the wave I now ride and from a beggar to a king the transformation
is both wonderous as it is natural.

-
dbt11118

Lust...

2008-11-17T11:57:00.007+02:00

-
Why do we lust after a set of ideals
created by expectations, fairytales
and society at large. We set goals
and tasks that we deem a step ahead
of the rest, purely to satisfy our ego
and fear of ridicule and scrutiny.

Hear me say, that the only lusting
that should be done, is acceptance!
Acceptance of love, acceptance of grace!

Conquer inner doubt, inner fear for
we are unique even to the touch. There is
nothing to fear except fear itself!

So put it to bed, and let it be heard that no man
shall ever gain the upper hand lest he wishes it so.

dbt 11/11/08

2008-11-09T19:59:00.002+02:00

And the change starts...

2008-11-09T19:11:00.003+02:00

Well reading back I notice that I decided to change a few things in my life and to that point it has started and I have set out several things that need addressing. Just as one door has closed after a recent visit from someone special from Cape Town I find that I am able to breath easier as she has moved on. Ironically as one door closes another is opening. I within two days been introduced to someone special and even though it is really early days it is comfortable and relaxed enough to explore at a sedate pace.

I shaved off my beard today after having the 'facial fur' for almost fourteen odd years. There were a few times that I shaved it off whilst on leave but that was always with the intention of just regrowing it. This time round I plan on keeping it off. Obviously the proof will show in the next few weeks and we will see if it stays off. But a change is needed and that was todays token of change. Others that will be brought to the fore will be gym and a serious attempt at getting fit. Added to this will be the whole smoking thing. We will see what the progress and decision will be on that account.

And then I have to tackle the whole company clean up thing too, scheduled for next year. We need to revitalise the company and take it from a good company into a better company or in other words a Duncan compatable company. There are so many things I would love to have done but the time and the ability have been lacking. So in time that will also be sorted out.

Otherwise I bumble along with a smile on my lips, have a new face, new (awesome) company to keep and a future to build on.

Till we chat again - Ciao

Where has it gone?

2008-11-09T15:19:00.003+02:00

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Eventually after fifteen or so years, I have finally done the deed. Shaved the beard off and in return I find that I am chubby and my skin really feels weird to say the least. We will see how long this all lasts... lol ...
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Ready ...

2008-11-08T11:56:00.003+02:00

I do declare that after this mornings session on the driving range I consider myself able to tackle the golf courses in earnest, so without further procrastination i shall book a round for sometime either in the week or next weekend and go and do my thing...

2008-11-01T11:31:00.006+02:00

"Spiders web" - Early morning dew

"Rose" - Gods smile

"Tinted Rose" slight manipulation involved here...

"Old Man Racer" The oldest competetive motorcycle racer on the Cape Town circuits.

2008-11-01T11:07:00.014+02:00

"Finding Nemo" I found the little sucker in a Aquarium in Singapore

" Natures Fireworks"

A bush in my garden in JHB South Africa which flowers only twice a year.

"Grand Canyon USA"

"Botanical Gardens"

Cape Town South Africa

2008-11-01T10:36:00.007+02:00

"A Flame Scattered"

I love flame, water and the shapes they form. It is so unpredictable that every piece of art 'lives'

"Singapore Flame busker"

When in Singapore I went on a "Night Safari" which has really weird coming from Africa myself. I dare say the locals and tourists alike would have their socks blown off if they actually came to Africa and experienced a Safari for real. This was one of the shows that they put on to keep us entertained whilst another crew were running around waking the animals up I am sure.

"Windswept Crate"

This was a wooden crate I found on the coast line of a place called 'Pearly Beach' of the East Coast of South Africa

"Sunset Cape Town"

This was the view from my second floor study in my apartment the year before I left Cape town.

"Dallas News"

The Dallas Newspaper has a massive murial outside their offices in downtown Dallas Texas USA

It is time...

2008-11-01T01:30:00.002+02:00

This may sound cheesey, but damn I need to get my house in order. There is so much out there and my progress this last two years has been pretty spectacular even if I say so myself. Down twenty kilograms, new attitude, new lodgings, new business and a new lease on life. But I cant help wondering if I am on track. Back when I was in the military our pastors or equivalent would ask us if our 'saak' (case) was right with God.

Over the years I have adopted that phrase 'My Saak is Reg' translated meaning 'My 'case' is right' not only for spiritual reasons but also in my life. I now question my current circumstances and ask myself, "Is my case right?" I have unfortunately always had the uneasy feeling in my life that I am just treading water to survive. I know the ultimate objective is simplicity in life and thought but cant help wondering or in this case speculating how close I am to the goal.

The preverbial question remains, "What is enough?" I eat well, I earn well, I drive 'well' and I live well, yet can't shake this feeling that I am not well! What more is there to life that becons me so? I have always had the urge to move on, to explore and to venture over the next hill, pass on through the next valley, cross the mountain range, sail that sea and discover for myself if the grass is greener on the other side. Sixteen or so countries later I have an even greater urge to pack my bags.

The difference this time is I have a debt to pay which keeps me bound. Please understand that I have absolutely no regrets in the least and cherish this time, but I constantly struggle with the urge to move and need to find a way to channel it into constructive achievement to satisfy this nomadic desire. Maybe a householders lifestyle can be achieved and forfilling but for this purpose I need to share it with a passionate partner in every sense. It is my honest belief that life can be forfilling if you have support. Maybe this is what I am lacking? "Support"

I want to tease someone till they laugh, I want to cuddle till the early hours, I need to be someones hero, and above all I want to start a conversation that will last me the rest of my life! Now there is a thought. Sharing is possibly the most missed part of my life, the one spindle that does not rotate with the rest of my being. So there it is, a glimpse of my soul, a peak into my heart and mind. If I make it a quest I know I will achieve my goal, but the biggest question lies in the fact that, will that be enough?

I bid you all goodnight or in this case 'Good day' as it is '01h30 ish'

Till a new dawn, till a new day ... sleep tight my friends for tomorrow we enter once again into the fray!

Was it real?

2008-11-01T00:28:00.005+02:00

Here I lie before you spent, all energy and thought have left my being
I wonder out loud if you would pull the shroud, in order to cover me your lover
I force the issue to which I know the answer, yet desperation seeks a point, an objective
Slowly I see you rise, clothe your being and slip out hoping not to be seen

I find it sad that we are merely ships passing in the night, I so long to reach port
I desperately wish to see you wave me hello, instead I watch you wave goodbye.
A new dawn a new day, all it takes is the rising sun to see you on your way.
Farewell my love, I shed no tear, I harbour no fear. Instead I roll over and drift
into the mist of scent and sound, I smile and drift off to sleep with my emotions in a heap.

What was and what may have been could in the morning turn out to be a dream...

Halloween ...

2008-10-31T20:19:00.003+02:00

I find it strange that there are kids in our neighbourhood running around trick or treating tonight. They have have very little if any clue at all about Halloween. We all know it is an American celebration more than anything else and due to the fact that they do it, hence the 'We should' mentality, it seems to have taken on here. There are tonight no costumes, no make up, no involvement at all excepting knocking on doors or standing in the street shouting "trick or treat?"

So I thought I would brush up on my history and find out what it is all about and was surprised to find that it is not an American historical tradition after all, but rather an Celtic (Irish) tradition. It has its origins in the a festival known to the Celtic folk as "Samhain" which was a celebration of the end of the season harvest. It was originally that time of the year to take stock of supplies and slaughter livestock for their winter stores. The ancient Gaels believed that on October the 31st the boundary between 'alive' and 'dead' dissolved, and that the dead became dangerous for the living by causing such problems such as sickness or damaged crops. The festivals would often include bonfires, into which the bones of slaughtered livestock were thrown. Costumes and masks were often worn to mimic the evil spirits and in so doing hope to placate them.

The name Halloween is in actual fact a shortened version of "All Hallows' Even" (both even and eve being abbreviations of evening) Originally October the 1st was a celebration of two holidays namely "All Hallows Even" (Halloween) and "All Saints Day" which is now celebrated one day after Halloween. "All Saints Day" was a celebration based on the old 'Pagan' belief in the North European communities.

So there we are a very short and insightfull visit into the history of Halloween. I would so love to educate the kids today that it has far deeper meaning and tradition than just shouting "trick or treat?" to get a handfull of sweets.

The trick or treating relates to the fact that the kids dress up in these 'evil' costumes and shout trick or treat to the home owners, and by so doing challenging him or her to either treat them with sweets (or money) or be tricked in some manner or form.

And that dear folks ends tonight lecture, tune in tomorrow evening for an advanced course on "Nuclear Physics" and its effect on the "Shell shaped slugs in the Outer Mongolian rain forests" ...lol...

Evaluate your Perspective...

2008-10-31T16:34:00.003+02:00

Odd tittle to a blog entry I know, but this was a lesson I learnt today that kinda shook my world. I must admit I have been gifted with a certain amount of calmness with regards to handling a crisis and today was no exception.

The scenario is; I am stopped at a red light waiting for the green light to go when a vehicle drives into the back of me. My first thought was thank you for head rests and the second was thanks for the foresight to have a 'mean' towbar installed when buying the bakkie (truck). I confirmed after climbing out that the occupants of the other vehicle were fine. One male african adult driving and two female african passengers. I checked the damage to my vehicle which considering the force of impact very very light indeed. Total damage appears to be the towing electrical plug smashed and the bracket that holds it to the bumper totally bent back.Other than that the bumper and frame appear to be undamaged.

His vehicle sadly will need quite a bit of work which will include the bumper, number plate and holder and his grill was bent back. He couldnt open his bonnet which was an indication that the latch and grill was pushed back a fair ways. There was no aggresion involved at first as they were a bit shocked. I collected my diary and proceeded to write down details after greeting everyone first. Now the intersection is chaos and the people are starting to hoot and act like idiots which I dont mind really as there is nothing we can do till he gets his car off my tow hook. Now Steven the other driver is questioning the damage to my vehicle saying I don't need his details as there is no damage. Included in his mini rampage he included the fact that the damage to the electrical point could not have possibly been from this accident as he hit the tow hook. I did not even take the time to explain to him otherwise, and continued taking his details.

His two passangers got out and started questioning and harrasing me to forget it and just move on. As I explained, we just need to report it to the cops and the damage he can sort out with me later. This upset him and he kinda got a bit uptight. I had the details I needed and bade them farewell. We did not shake hands as he was primed for a fight so I left. After my days work was done I made my way to the police station and reported it for insurance and clarifications sake. I do not want Steven claiming that I reversed into him or anything similar.

And here follows my actual point to this whole narrative...

Whilst in the station I am lamenting my woes to the policeman and complaining how my day was disrupted and inconvenienced by this incident. I had better things to do with my time etcetera etcetera. It was at this time that a woman and her teenage daughter arrive at the station and I overheard them say that they wanted to open a case against another woman. Arrogantly the first thought that flew through my mind was one of just let it be. Whatever she has stolen from you or your daughter can be replaced, ie; a cell phone or a little money or maybe a case of malicious damage against property or something similar. When the cop asked her what was it that she wanted to charge her with, her answer floored me completely. She wanted to lay a charge of kidnapping against the other woman. This 'other woman' had yesterday gone to a creche and abducted her daughter.

I finished up my paperwork and left and the whole way home and even now I could slap myself for doing the typical human thing and that was judge without the facts. What could possibly be wrong with my insignificant day when other people had such a load to bear. Imagine going to creche to pick up your daughter only to find out that someone else had arrived and taken her. The only fact this woman had was the time. No other details were available. I can not even begin to imagine what that family is going through right now.

And here I was bitching about my R 200 or R 300 rand electrical socket damage. And that is why I chose the title "Evaluate your Perspective" We have so, so much to be thankful for and i for one will definately make a concious effort not to bitch about my lot in life again.

To the Mother and her family -
My thoughts and best wishes to you and yours during this trying time.

V.S.P. Inc

2008-10-31T07:34:00.004+02:00

The Sun 'on the run'

Cape Town (South Africa) Sunset

A Bird with 'News'

Biker in Chicago (USA)

'Bee'

And yes! some more pic's...lol...

2008-10-30T21:43:00.004+02:00

Chicago USA 2007

Gods smile - the rose

2nd New year carnival Cape Town

Cacti

Wheels

A few more pic's

2008-10-30T21:22:00.004+02:00

A pic or two ...

2008-10-30T21:10:00.002+02:00

A button hole & Twelve apostles mountains Cape Town South Africa

Quote for the day ...

2008-10-30T17:11:00.002+02:00

-
"If you don't know where you are going, any road will get you there."
-
Regards M.E.

MIO-CODICE

2008-10-30T16:39:00.015+02:00

What I write here, may confuse but
may also enlighten the reader.
It is not meant as a riddle but rather
a solution to a very real modern day issue.So with all things

being said and done jumping to conclusions is at best quite silly.

It will ultimately without exploration just slow you down.
Keep your discovery close to the heart, lest it be shared.
The outcome may contain just the right

amount of zest for the pure of heart.

Miocodice 1

Question: what is the Aim of business?

Miocodice 2

In a nutshell this is my creation of a alphabetical and a numerical code with which to safeguard my passwords and phrases. Internet and identity theft being what it is. I thought to develop my own code. Sure i hear you say only a fool publishes his own code but this is a challenge to anyone that gets to read this and see if they can break the code. If they do get to do this then i need to return to the drawing board. It is very basic as this is my first attempt at something like this so please bear with me. There is a reward of a thousand rand to whomever breaks the alphabetical code and a lesser five hundred rand for breaking the numerical code. I am not sure if you are allowed to post rewards but hell there it is. Below you will find two answers one being alphabetical and one numeric. The one will be my second name and the other the code to my bank card. Enjoy and drop me a line if you crack them and if you are realy confidant email me your banking details for a deposit. Hahahahaha - good luck my fellow code breakers...

My middle name = 26-31-48-7-63

My bank card access code = t-i-e-m-a

And that is that - Good luck !!!

Startling info local to RSA...

2008-10-30T16:30:00.003+02:00

Could you imagine working for this company?

It has a little over 500 employees and amongst them the following statistics are available.

29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad cheques
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least two businesses
3 have been convicted and done time for assault
71 are unable to get a credit card due to bad debt
14 have been arrested on drug related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
20 are currently defendants in law suits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving (in the last year)

373 members of this company or approximately 74% are represented above.

GUESS WHICH ORGANISATION THIS IS ……

It is the 535 members of the …

SOUTH AFRICAN PARLIAMENT

which by the way is the same organisation that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

And yes before closing off i hereby wish to state that this was not researched or compiled by myself and therefore I am unable to attest to its accuracy. But it sounds about right ...

Road Trip USA ...

2008-10-28T21:28:00.003+02:00

Well I have finally after more than a year of being back in South Africa, started editing my pictures from the six month road trip in the USA in 2007. It will be a long winded task and I hope to start compiling a coffee table book, as I have been meaning to do it for some time. It will of course all be photo based with some typed inserts for explanation and effect. I kept a travel log of sorts whilst there so will have the actual accounts of my experiences to rely on. Whether it will just relate to the states or all my travels combined I am at this stage unsure.

Time will tell. The states trip will take me three or so months and the complete travel book will take me a lot longer than that. So over the next few days I will put some format together and will definately be adding my opinions on the world and her troubles again in the near future.

Rene thanks for pointing me in this direction again...

DARE I SAY !!!

2008-10-28T20:28:00.003+02:00

I am back - kinda, have not been here for ages and have been told to start again. So here i am and all i require is a bit of time to collect my thoughts and i will start posting soon again.

Regards
M.E.

Something sent to me ... pretty good reading ...

2008-07-20T05:55:00.000+02:00

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?""Yes sir," the student says."So you believe in God?""Absolutely.""Is God good?""Sure! God's good.""Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?""Yes.""Are you good or evil?""The Bible says I'm evil."The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?""Yes sir, I would.""So you're good...!""I wouldn't say that.""But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"The student remains silent."No, you can't, can you?" the professor says.

He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax."Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?""Er...yes," the student says."Is Satan good?"The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No.""Then where does Satan come from?"The student falters. "From God""That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?""Yes, sir.""Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?""Yes.""So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?"The student squirms on his feet. "Yes.""So who created them?"The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer.

Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?""No sir. I've never seen Him.""Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?""No, sir, I have not.""Have y ou ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?""No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.""Yet you still believe in him?""Yes.""According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?""Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith.""Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?""Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat.""And is there such a thing as cold?""Yes, son, there's cold too.""No sir, there isn't."The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.

The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees.""Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer."What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?""Yes," the prof essor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it isn't darkness?""You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word.""In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?"The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?""Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can you explain how?""You are working on the premise of duality," the student explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.""It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it.""Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?""If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.""Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed."Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"The class is in uproar.

The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided."To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean."The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into laughter."Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.""So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?"Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable.Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess you'll have to take them on faith.""Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?"Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."The professor sat down.

My Groove ...

2008-07-20T03:15:00.000+02:00

I have found my ‘Groove’ again

I have spent years and years living on this really weird planet of ours and worked so hard for financial stability, driving nice cars, living in luxury and generally just trying to keep up with the ‘Jones’s’ that life has somewhat passed me by. Ooh don’t get me wrong I have been a part of it and yes enjoyed most of it but I have got to a cross roads in my life which started roughly three years ago. I had everything I had aspired for throughout my childhood and teenage years. You know everything that marked me as a ‘Made man’. (Or so I thought) Due to circumstance and a realization that I was overdoing it a bit I bought about certain changes to my lifestyle this I must add is after passing out from what I attribute to as an anxiety attack one summers afternoon. I woke up and found myself curled up under my desk at home one day dazed and shivering uncontrollably. Now I am not the type of guy to get sick or let anything get me down. I just soldier on, as my father did and as his father did. I can clearly hear their voices, “Don’t be a sissy, boy” and words which I am sure many of you will remember, “Grab life by the horns” I was under the mistaken impression that, that is just what I had been doing. Now I have been through my fair share of heartache and pain, from broken hearts to broken limbs, from a war that I did not understand but ‘did my duty’ to a relationship that crumbled in front of me for no apparent reason. I lost my daughters company at an early age but have managed to find her again, with sadly ten or so years lost to someone else as ‘Dad’. An icon or the epitome of a marriage which I looked up to as my personal goal, this too has disintegrated for reasons beyond my control or ability to understand and this has been the final straw so to speak for me. I truly believed in the “Love for life” concept. It may be naive in this day and age but I would rather believe in that than in the casual relationships and affairs that everyone keeps offering. There is a vast difference between the expression of love and the act of sexual intercourse. How the two of them match up is a subject for another day and possibly another author as I would hesitate to express my views on the matter.

So am I doomed to extinction? I think not. And the reasoning behind that is in my opinion as follows. I have shed my past life and ways to such an extent that I am really afraid that I have gone overboard. I gave up my very comfortable career which consisted of the three ‘to work for’ clauses, namely ‘Power’ ‘Money’ and a ‘Future’. I transferred every cent I had into my girlfriends account. I sold my motorcycle and two cars and left Cape Town with a bag of clothes and personal belongings. I bid farewell to my girlfriend of thirteen or fourteen years and hit the road. That is a bit harsh I hear you say, well truth be told it was the most difficult thing or sequence of events I have created and carried out in my life. Not that that lessens the burden of guilt, but there are so, so many factors involved and reasons that I could try and explain. It would however take up way too much time and frankly I tried and failed with the concept of rationalization, so all I am left with is an apology and a farewell wave to what was. I hit the road in a big way and borrowed money and time from people that had some to travel again. Selfish you might say but without a reason to “DO” the question and argument arises ‘why not?’

I went on a journey of re-discovery, you see many years ago I knew who I was and loved myself for knowing what it was I thought I wanted. And so now armed with a healthy dose of reality I set forth to discover the pleasures of this world and the vista’s that always beckon. Covering some forty eight thousand kilometers across America, and just using up over six months of my life I returned to re-align myself with the world. And guess what, I did indeed find myself. I discovered I was lost, in pain and bearing so many grudges that its pull alone held me stagnant. The same way a snake sheds its skin every season to emerge a shining, colorful and a more vibrant creature after the winter, I to shed my former life and emerged a peaceful soul. I have returned home a pauper, but my coffers are filled to the brim with treasures from a far off land. I pick out a lesson learned from that exploration daily and apply it to my current scenario of building a company, building a home and above all polishing my heart and soul back up to a brilliant shine. It is far from ready to show off and honestly thinking I do not find the need to show anything off any more. I have found my groove in life.

So yes I have got my “GROOVE” back.

And the amazing thing is that people listen to people who are content. They want to be a part of that aura of pleasure and excitement. They treat you differently, they smile at you, they greet you and ‘yes’ they do want to know how you are. And here I venture to proclaim and make a bold statement. It is in my opinion that…

“Happiness is a state of mind not a state of circumstance”

I cannot explain the relief I have found from just taking one day at a time in tune with whatever determines tomorrow. I have always claimed that “you are where you are in life through your own doing”

Well I am “Doing!”

I must also just add that I regret nothing I have done in the past and even though I swept people up into my ‘then’ life they too have gained and grown, in turn they too need to find their “Groove” and make it work for them. There was no intentional misleading or fabricated ideology but rather just what was.

Here is a thought....

2008-03-23T07:53:00.000+02:00

Saturday, March 22, 2008

What is it about a blank piece of paper and a pen that excites me so? Is it because it’s clean and new or is it the urge to express myself? Perhaps it’s a hankering for times gone past that flash before my minds eye. Imagination explored, feelings expressed. I think it goes deeper than just that, as it seems to tingle quietly and without menace. It starts out more of a longing than a desire and soon cumulates into an urge that is hard to ignore. False alarms are common in this phase as I start what is intended to be a memorable piece of writing and it disintegrates into a scribble that becomes infuriating to comprehend within the first three paragraphs. It usually ends up in file thirteen – the one that stands on the floor next to my desk. It goes out with the other waste in the mornings.

I have no initially intention to allow this to go to waste and consider my options. I wish to write and it so turns out that this evening my hand - eye coordination is especially good and the mind remains crisp enough to get this far. The only remaining obstacle would be the dreaded subject matter. At times this is as easy as finding then pen to write it with and other times it eludes one and is often as frustrating as threading a needle. So I have to explore this rather crazy thought pattern in my brain. It seems to be a kaleidoscope of emotions that keep the mind active throughout the day and night.

And of course the tendency to over think the subject matter is as real an enemy as not having paper to write on or a pen to write with. So without further procrastination I wish to pen or in this case type the following piece.

What is it that drives us?

There are, in my opinion, certainly varying levels of motivators or forces that we need to distinguish between, before applying the scenario’s or the expected outcomes of our actions and in most cases desires.

Instinct;

This relates to the inbred animal type instinct and survival that is not acquired or taught by choice but rather a hidden motivator that we hardly ever identify timorously, not until after the fact or consequences of our action become apparent. It is this factor that makes a mother nurture and defend a child, a father to encourage and educate his kids, or siblings defend their territory from foreign influences. Its roots go as deep as the human imagination is able to stretch, namely subjects and theories as to what makes us breath whilst asleep or what makes the sun rise or the earth rotate. We have as humans allocated a set number of conclusions and even though we explore constantly none of the explanations satisfy our human intellect. It is not that we are unable to grasp the concept but rather that our minds are conditioned by circumstances and are thus limited to what we have been taught. We have so much to learn, yet little importance is given to exploring the mind, and billions are spent exploring space. We should be able to explore space within our own mind. We are space, if you consider the fact that we are all made up of the same base elements that are found within the earth’s atmosphere. We are conceived from fluids shared, united so to speak and our bodies the scientists tell us are 70% water. These base elements are again according to scientists and researchers the same elements that make up the universe. Surely if we grasp an understanding of these elements we will have an infinite knowledge of our universe? If the desk I am sitting at right now and I share similar base elements then we are surely part of the same universe. In being part of the same universe surely with the ability to control or change these elements we could be more desk like in character.

Now I know that is a bit far out but consider the fact that if we mastered these elements that go into the make up of our bodies, we should theoretically be able to recreate or change our ‘makeup’ at will, purely by our understanding of how they work. Simply put, if you see a car for the first time, with our limited intellect it would take us awhile to understand what it was and then another while to understand and master the controls to get it to move. But as soon as we understood the concept, design and purpose we could become one with the car by climbing into it and making it do what we wanted it to do. If you find this statement to be even slightly logical then I challenge you to take it further and apply it to your mind. The problem here is that we could not possibly imagine what could be done if we understood the controls and mechanisms. We already know what it is; all we lack is the understanding of how to get it to do what we want it to.

It is maybe a bit far out but the possibilities are endless and again the scientists say we utilize only ten to twenty percent of our brain. My question then is, what the hell is the rest of it for. Do you notice in nature any wastage of any kind? Everything has a purpose and a place in this creation, right down to the grain of sand at the ocean bottom. Surely we were not born with a lump of grey matter “waste” in our dome?

Just a thought...

2008-03-22T05:15:00.000+02:00

It has certainly been awhile since i have written and i find myself lacking the subject material. Well not really just the opportunity as my days are a bit heavy at the moment and treading water to maintain a level head. I must admit that i have a pain in my heart that seems to grow the longer i keep the pen from paper. I so long for an opportunity to shout out my story and have the time to document what i think is relevant, but alas now does not seem the time or the place.

I read a comment by someone that reads these blogs regularly and she expressed a emotional compliment to what i had written and i am truly amazed that someone enjoys my babbling. It does put ones influence into question and brings home the reality that we are not alone. There are more of us out there...lol... so i find myself in front of the key board and sifting through my mind to find a piece of myself that is either not too screwed up to share or a part that is at least a little exciting. Again ...lol... i am stumped!

Maybe this is not the right time to write - it is like my art and photography, some days it spurts out of me with reckless abandon and other days you would swear that i had never seen the light of day before. I have unfortunately as a Leo way too much to comment on and theorise constantly which does drive people crazy. One of the most memorable arguments i had with someone who no longer fills my day was finalised with an desperate exclamation - " I refuse to argue with someone who is always right" and that was that. Far fewer arguments were had there after. That by the way suited me just fine...

I have been editing pictures and photo's for a few days now and find that i am seriously impressed with God, he certainly knows what he is doing when it comes to this world. (only a leo has that kinda arrogance to make a comment like that) Be that as it may, i am loving the day and look forward to tomorrow. For no particular reason other than i know it can only be good when you wish it so. But the wish needs to be of pure reasoning and derived from pure thought. There is so much we need to do and come to terms with that if you allow it it will overtake you and swamp you with emotion, anger, spite, regret instead of hope, love and nuturing.

So my wish is that to anyone who reads this i truly hope you have an awesome day when next the sun rises and keep in mind that it will only be a good day if you allow it to be. Expect doom and gloom, ten to one that is what you will get...

Fond regards Duncan

Days gone by ...

2008-03-21T19:53:00.000+02:00

A glimpse of my USA travel log ... why did i post it here ... no idea really just babbling, smiling remembering ...

02h22 1st August 2007

Just passed through Little Rock AR (not sure if that is Arkansas or Arkansaw) Managed to pop out for a smoke quickly. Tried sleeping but to no avail it equates to sleeping at a kitchen table, without the table. The train is really motoring right now. They are three hours behind schedule so they have some catching up to do. The Amtrak service is governed not by Amtrak but rather the diffrent companies that own the railroads that it travels on. So the controling company has right of way and mostly goods trains have preference. So we often get sidelined for ten minutes or twenty minutes while we wait on a goods train to finish their business and then we can use the track.

So what do we discuss at 02h30 in the morning, on a train powering on through the night. Do we try to write some form of poetry about it?

If you hear the far off sound of the trains horn in the middle of the night,
dont dispair for it will be passing soon with its pistons pumping,
leaving in its wake the image of a winding metal snake

Spare a thought for those aboard
for they are the single mothers caring for their children,
on their way to see the sea
Spare a thought for the business man, who is agitated for the train running late as he gets home to his family.
Dont forget the student in the corner, not sure of their identity with painted black nails, who dares not look you in the eye.
To the traveler, eagerly eyeing the window, drinking the coffee and eating the stale foods, for you see everything is new to him precious little goes unnoticed. Camera always at the ready. Where does he come from and where might he be going?

On that train spare a thought for those that work through the night, they clean, maintain and drive the train. I have seen them sorting the luggage, I have seen them tending to the elderly on their way to see their kids in Arazona. They look tired and are absorbed in their duties, also homeward bound to hug their kids and put them to bed.

So dont despair for the train will pass and the sounds will fade and the images will swirl in the wake of your sleeplessness and untill you hear the horn again, spare a thought for those lonesome travelers speeding through the night. If by chance you may be priveledged enough to ride the train, dont forget those asleep in the middle of the night as you thunder on by.

[ OK OK OK enough of the crap already. Soon i will have white fluffy rabbits jumping through hoops in the verses. ]

Hey Aristole, You big blue eyed rabbit jumping dog, have you no shame, are you not afraid of your member turning lame. Leave the Aussie rabbit alone, her eyes should be the clue, that if you continue to screw,she will disintegrate and turn into a shrew. Be done with her, otherwise you will have no fun with her and be saddled with a blunt instrument and gain no possible pleasure at your leisure.

[this shit is getting worse and worse]

02h58 and all is not well. [when is start righting rubbish like that well then there is little hope]

We are crawling up to some station again or possibly a siding and waiting for some activity. The train has slowed and the images are no longer a blurred streak in the dark. The train driver is really hooter happy and overly zelous with his horn. [in my opinion] but then i am not an USA Amtrak Train Driver.

Chicago tomorrow, that should be cool. Looking forward to it. Need to be very wise and non impulsive with the money. Stretch every cent as far as i can.

Hey Mister train driver, why do you honk your horn?As far as i can see there is no need at this early hourIs it stuck or jammed, or is your shift rather bland. Whatever the reason, we are trying to sleep, so if you dont mind could you please put a sock in it, or face the wrath of a single mom.

The death of a city ...

2008-03-11T17:49:00.000+02:00

Please do not mistake this as a bash the current generation but how many of you have been into Johannesburg central recently?

I will start off this dialogue with the worst comment thrown my way this morning whilst in Johannesburg, which was from a taxi driver in the central business district, specifically Bree street. We where at the time both still in our vehicles in a traffic jam.

"What the f*ck you doing here whitey, you know this is not your city"

Now the comment itself holds no water with me and the overly aggressive attitude I can handle, as i have a 'tortoise shell' attitude to negativity. It bounces off 99.9% of the time without me giving it a second thought let alone a response. What gets to me is the wreck and ruin the city is in. I have such fond memories of Johannesburg as a youngster and teenager, and i even lived in Hillbrow for a period i enjoyed it so much. I am so sorry i did not take a camera along, but then again i wouldn't have a use for the pictures excepting to show yet another "African" city.

The parks, no longer exist and if they do they are filled with squatters and flea markets. Wow i hear people say flea markets! how quaint, folks let me tell you a bit about these flea markets. From my casual passing observations from the street side in an very hot and humid vehicle, i noticed several things that are not related to quaint flea markets. Firstly open fires on the pavement, cooking God only knows what. Fresh meat being cut on the side of the road and the horrific thing is where and how did they slaughter the animal to get it there in the first place. Another road side observation was the total ( and i mean total ) lack of respect for the law. There is no law, for the vehicles or the people. It took me 35 minutes to go five blocks as the robots meant nothing. The vehicles stop anywhere for absolutely any reason and irrespective of the right of way or the colours of the traffic lights you just go. I sat in the middle of one intersection for 13 minutes waiting for the traffic to move. Everyone hooting, drivers swearing and waving fists at each other and two or three of them climbing out of their vehicles to go and sort another driver out.

A driver of a taxi stopped in front of me in the second lane from the side of the road and climbed out. He strolled across the road to buy a single cigarette, and after lighting it, he chatted to the vendor and exchanged pleasantries or whatever and then returned to his vehicle and pulled over to allow his passengers to embark and disembark whatever the case may have been. I had at that stage no less than fifteen vehicles backed up in our lane alone, through two intersections, all hooting and shouting at us. I lit another smoke and relaxed, to my own detriment i might add. It did give me an opportunity to see what a dreadful state the building were in. The same buildings i as a kid was going to find an apartment in when i grew up. The are old Victorian style buildings, but now instead of reminding you of the finer things in life they reflect how harsh Africa really is. The windows are long time gone and have been replaced, if at all, by cardboard and or blankets. Any form of steel like fire hydrants, burglar bars or fencing below arms reach has long time gone and been sold for scrap. There are no dustbins anymore so the streets are littered with debris. The parking bays for these units are all taken up by furniture that has been thrown out into the street. Amongst this furniture is the garbage, most of it not in bags but rather just dumped anywhere.

It is so sad to witness Africa's emblem of success and prestige land up like a third world dump. I hear many many saying 'Ooh but it was your success and not 'the peoples' and i would agree, but do keep in mind that i too am a product of the past, how was i to know right from wrong at such a young age. Yes! since then i have learnt and changed, and i know it has been for the better. Johannesburg is not my triumphant call of attention to the progress this country has made in the last fifteen years. It is a sad reminder that even though i am bred from seven or eight generations worth of stock in South Africa i do not have a place in my beloved city. I shudder to think what the world will witness in 2010.

Settling in ...

2008-03-06T21:08:00.000+02:00

Well it has truly been a wild few months. But i am delighted to say that i am starting to settle down, eventually. Why the change, you may ask, well i built an extension on to the house and have adopted it as my own. I have spread my 'office' between two rooms and added a couch, book cases and the trappings of segements of memorabelia from my life till so far.

It is strange what i have collected and what i cherish, for example there is the collection of broken watches, the Cavalry sword handed to my Grandfather when he was in the military in India. There is a collection of baseball caps, a scattering of my own framed pictures. The American flag drapped over the book case, propped up by a Golden Goose golf putter, with direct connections to the legendary Gary Player. A rocking chair on a Persian carpet and the chair i am sitting on was manufactured or in those days Crafted in the late 1800's prior to the South African Boer versus British war.

There is a glass bowl of marbles, next to a Oil lamp, that still gets used when there are power shedding outages. I simply love the "Old world" character and enjoy it more so than modern day wizardry.

But the message is i am settling in and will definately contribute to the blog more often. I desperately want to continue writting and exploring this world we are in and i can assure you will take up that task as soon as the stars are all aligned ...lol... till then take care and C U soon

Squire's Grotto ...

2008-02-21T07:42:00.000+02:00

I write with a smile on my face as i have been building a pad, grotto for myself and it is a few short days from completion. It is so satisfieng to see it all come together. I have come to the conclusion that personal space is man kinds most prized possesion...

And life carries on...

2008-02-16T08:30:00.000+02:00

I am surprised at the human spirit time and time again. There is someone i have wanted to meet for awhile now and having tried two or three times to get together am amazed that we have failed in that task. I find myself trying to justify contact and at the same time wondering why she has not made contact. Is there a line that we cross when we take the initiative, or is there a yearning for a boldness from people that we seldom get. The last time i was bold, having asked a stunning woman, now good friend, when was the last time you slept with a stranger? I expected to get hit. But thankfully we turned into good friends and eventhough we are thousands of miles apart we do have three awesome weeks worth of memories to live on for awhile. I hear she is doing well and getting on with life and I strangely am rather jealous as i wish a) that i was a part of that and b) that my own circumstances were as good.

Dont get me wrong, they are not bad but still the human heart has needs and i pine for that unconditional love. It was as sweet as it was pure and child like in its simplicity, maybe that is what love is all about, simplicity and unconditional acceptance.

HEY NOW THERE IS A THOUGHT !

It may be a bit of a tough sell. People have a path and that path my run or may not run side by side for a certain period of time. Take what you can ot of it, love it, cherish it, cry over it but never regret it. Everything has a cause and an effect, which is karma, the reason things hapen...

Enjoy these episodes and do not bear grudges for you will carry and transfer this onto any other relationship or meeting.

LIVE, LOVE and ENJOY

Its about being overtaken...

2008-02-12T06:45:00.000+02:00

I have returned to a world which I know very little about. It "is" my world, of that much I am sure. I may not recognise it but during the course of time and natural observations and deductions the ill feeling I have been brooding about the last few weeks seems to stem from a source I had not comtemplated before.

Loss of life, love, one's existance, meaning and then combined those with the potential loss of a life long partner, seem to 'possibly' be the fountain of discontent. The fear of the unknown is limited to a notion rather than a full blown fear for the spiritually inclined and thus has little bearing on the current scenario. It is my deduction that when life starts slipping away from you your reactions and contentment with this world fade. Your regrets start catching up on you, you lash out at those around you. you lay blame at every opportunity and dont like what lays ahead, so the past gets dragged nearer. It is a focus point that you can explain away, or better yet it is reasonable to analyse and justify why you have lead the life you have.

But now looking forward is no longer enchanting or adventurous as it finally dawns on us that we all have to move on someday. Having more days left to live on this earth than you have already lived has always been better than having less days to live on this earth than you have already spent here. So the realisation sets in that maybe I have not finished living, or that there is so much I still wanted to do. I have still to get to this point. The other major factor is what, if anything do I leave behind. Is there anyone alive to achnowledge my passing? And if they do acknowledge, will my ego accept that they may not be so kind to me as I would wish them to be. And on top of all of this, not having the time, the strength or the ability to redeem or rectify my perception of the faults must be earth shattering.

Where to now? This begs to be answered and it is my humble opinion that the pangs of regret and the lost passions and drive that have desert one late in life are huge compared to the spirit that still roams the bodies corridors.

I take heart in the fact that we are not alone in this voyage and that billions of people have faced these same questions and billions after we have gone will also be pondering and deliberating these very questions... 'Food fo thought' is it not?

Regards Duncan

The tasks we set ourselves...

2008-02-10T08:29:00.000+02:00

What started out as a help 'em out has turned into a marathon. I have no regrets i must add but am amazed by how our and in particular my mind has dealt with my current lifestyle and situation. It is amazing that five months ago i was as free as a bird. And now instead of fluttering away on a whim, i find myself loading a Boeing 747 prior to take off and have recently discovered that it is merely the manner in which you fly that changes, not the flight itself...

Keep the runway clear...

Play pin the tail...

2008-02-06T04:11:00.000+02:00

The question that currently roams my mind freely and with abandon is this; at what stage of disillusionment with a situation or scenario, do you either get involved or pull away completely?

Now I ask this as I am currently caught between a rock and a hard place and the longer I remain sitting on the fence the nastier it seems to get. I am involved by purely being me, so involvement is mandatory and I will not take sides, as the participants are both loved and respected.

There are boundaries that people erect socially and politically to protect themselves and their loved one’s, and again their ideals, their lifestyle and numerous other unmentioned facets of life fall under this protective wrap. We go as far as to teach our children the finer tones and details of our ideology and even discipline them according to what we perceive as the correct and proper forms of behavior. This has been a fact since this human existence on earth and I have no doubt prior to our arrival there were very similar systems and ideology amongst the earths inhabitants.

So I have recently become aware that there are double standards at work behind the scenes in my life’s most treasured ideology. I have my entire life lived and respected a certain way of living and behavior becoming of a civilized society.

I have to my own detriment or benefit, (there being no real difference), discovered that the challenge it would appear is not so much the discovery, creation and eventually the teaching of this chosen ideology but rather the actually practice of those teachings by the teachers themselves. The old saying of “Don’t do as I do, do as I say” comes to mind here. Now I have difficulty describing to you the course of events my mind has taken that led me to this point and do not fear I do not aim to bore you with the countless pages it would fill, but safe is to say, I have explored this subject to great lengths, and my thinking bends in the following direction.

I, having played that childhood game of ‘Pin the tail on the Donkey’ once or twice before, discovered or for that matter failed to find a use for it in an “analogy” sort of way and, what can I say – I have finally solved that problem!

If you take the donkey’s body as the sum of your education here on earth and the tail, that needs pinning, as your contribution or perception of your responsibility, duty and commitment. In other words you need to find your place to fit in eventually based off your education, the expectations of your teachers and society in general.

I, having believed that the donkey was enormous, have always found places to fit in quite easily. The tail was never quite in the right spot but it definitely looked better than without the tail pinned at all. I have been corrected and scolded on many occasions regarding where I have pinned the tail and have tried harder. That is after all the due process of education.

Now every time I pin the tail, my teachers and peers tell me I am far off the target and that I seem to have lost my way. I dare not remove the blind fold to see for my self in order not to upset them or disrespect them for that matter and struggle on. I have struggled and strived to live up to their expectations and have been filled with shame and remorse for not meeting those expectations. But recently I did the unthinkable and removed a corner of the blindfold and took a peak at the picture of the donkey that my teachers drew for me all those impressionable years ago. And my world starts to crumble. The picture before me is no longer a donkey at all but a deformed image of insecurities, vengeance from years before I was even around, attitude pilled in heaps and more often than not left out in the open for others to see. There amongst the debris lie some, pity, a handful of childhood horrors a few failed dreams and a whole scrap yard filled to bursting point with forgotten or false ideologies, lying there just wasting away. I see the scrap yard and recognize my education, my discipline and remember the hidings I got for forgetting those lessons or enforced ideology and here they all lie going to waste.

I am horrified at what I see. The first emotion is anger! How dare they? I who have worn this blindfold for so long to satisfy and achieve the right spot for the tail, only to discover that there is nowhere to pin it after all. The second emotion or stage I went through is where did I go wrong? What have I done incorrectly to end up with an education or tail that seems so out of place to the picture I see before me? I have evaluated the entire process and even though I realized I have struggled and labored at it for an eternity and fall short of their expectations I still consider that I did not do such a bad job. My third and possibly longest stage I have been through is that of exploring the causes and consequences of what I see before me and that has confirmed that what I did was as right as I could make it with the tools supplied.

My current stage, which has prompted this narrative and outpouring, is pity mixed with sadness in that the educators knew what they wanted the donkey to look like, but were unable to draw it themselves. They had been lied to or hoodwinked in a similar fashion by their educators. How true this statement is, I do not know, but what I do know is I will no longer try and place the tail in the right place but rather do, as I am sure many have done before me, and that is, draw my own donkey and pin the tail on without a blindfold.

This very action in itself may be leading me down the same path as my educators but for awhile at least my donkey will look complete tail and all. So a promise I have made to myself reads as follows;

I will endeavor to remain as true to myself as I possibly can, armed with the knowledge I have now, and armed with the results I expect based off my somehow now educated opinion, I shall persevere to be an example to everything and everyone I come into contact with, to show that life seems to be made up of boundaries and limits i.e. ‘the donkeys body’ that need to be explored and tested for your own peace of mind and sanity. Test, explore and conquer at every available opportunity. Remove the blind fold and experience first hand that life is a mix of belief, reality and a good dose of wishful thinking. Dare to dream, dare to do. Tread carefully around other peoples pictures as you will discover that even those closest and most trusted see life differently even at the best of times. Do not point out their failings; do not correct their mannerisms as they too have a course to steer that will lead them to where they want to go.

I have said enough, and wish to finalise with this final statement.

Allow people the room to express themselves; do not draw any conclusions even after discovering the truth. They have as much right to their beliefs and mannerisms as you have to yours. Lend a helping hand if it is requested. Never judge or comment about or to anyone, not even to yourself about someone else’s failings. We do not have the right to criticise as we did not walk in their shoes or go through what they went through to get where they are today. Never waver on your tasks or your ideals as that is what makes you, you. But at the very least ensure that the foundation of your ideology is built on rock, prior to you educating others.

It is with a sad heart that I end this narrative hoping that we will learn that pinning the tail on the donkey is all a matter of perception and experience…

And in closing – to those I love, please see that the donkey is no longer the objective, your comfort, your ideology and your outward appearance is what bought me to where I am and will be what see’s me through to the end. For the end will come and I need to believe that who I am “IS” who I am.

With the utmost respect and unconditional Love

Duncan

QUOTE OF THE DAY ...

2008-01-13T08:05:00.000+02:00

"THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS IN TIME AND SPACE" Anon

Life is like that ...

2008-01-13T08:00:00.000+02:00

A mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything he might have to testify about in court. The godfather takes along his attorney who knows sign language to confront the bookkeeper with regards to his missing ten million bucks.

The godfather tells the lawyer,"Ask him where my ten million bucks is" The attroney usin sign language asks the bookkeeper. The bookkeeper signs back that he doesnt know what he is talking about. The attorney tells the godfather that he doesnt know what you are talking about. The godfather pulls out a pistol and holds it against the bookkeepers head and says, "Ask him again" The attorney signs to the bookkeeper that he will get killed if he doesnt tell him where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back, "Ok you win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried in my cousin Enzo's back yard in Queens!" The godfather turns to the attorney, "Well what did he say?"

The attorney replies: "He says you do not have the guts to pull the trigger."

Written by "ANON"

( i dont know who penned this but had a good laugh so i thought i would share)

I have arrived...

2008-01-10T04:55:00.000+02:00

It seems that life takes you in circles from what we perceive to be the beginning to what we would like to believe to be the end. (If that makes any sense at all) Be that as it may, i have discovered of late, that my world is a lot smaller than i thought and to my surprise at the ripe old age of forty one, that i am still a kid at heart. It rained today and during the course of my normal work day i got caught in the rain at least three times. The first time i ran through till i got undercover and cursed that my paperwork and i got wet. The second time i got wet i hurried but was quite relaxed and accepting of the wet weather. Low and behold the third time i had to face the rain i strolled like a man of leisure and did not side step the puddles or hurry my way along to avoid the rain. It was at that time that i remembered that as a child i would love to ride my bike or play soccer or swim in our pool at home when it rained.

I distinctly remember my best feeling ever, with regards to being outdoors in the rain. I was living and working in Durban on the east coast of South Africa and would on a regular basis take my board out and continue my futile attempt at surfing. On this particular occassion it was late afternoon and the regular surfers had gone home with only one or two diehards like myself still out in the water. I was way out beyond the breakers taking a break when it started to rain. It was one of the most awesome experiences involving rain in my life as on a board so far out the cities sounds are all but gone. The only sound was the falling rain, which by the way makes quite a bit more noise when it is the only sound that can be heard. The waves where crashing between me and the city so i hardly heard them at all. The rain kept falling and the water around me for as far as the eye could see was alive with heavy rain drops falling. Everything was misty as the cold rain and the warm ocean water fused.

Each rain drop sent miniature ripples outward and that combined with the slow and undulating rolls of the tide put me into a zone of absolute calm and joy. It was one of those truly 'WOW' moments in life that i will cherish for as long as i can remember...

Just thought i woulod share that with you all...
Fond regards Duncan

Response to previous entry...

2008-01-08T21:55:00.000+02:00

Folks - IT WAS A JOKE, written in a slightly twisted way. Please do not take offence or email me saying that you are finding me weird lately or, am i depressed? type of questioning.

I did not mean to be offensive or rude or hurtful and there was no malice intended or directed at any individual. For those that took offence, i apologise.

It was written by a (...wait for it...) a major arsehole. Yes Major A.R. Sole - thats where the twist was for those that may be searching for it.

Anyway - have a blast till we chat again - fond regards Duncan

What is this world comming to?

2008-01-05T09:10:00.000+02:00

What would you have me do?
(as written by a Major A.R Sole)

I passed an elderly woman this morning that had dropped her shopping, unfortunately my hands were full and I was unable to assist.
I saw a man struggling to get up off his knees today, it appeared hat he had dropped his phone. I could not help him for I was late for a meeting.
I hooted at a motorist today as they drove erratically on the highway. She was waving and then pulled over to the side of the road. I was late for my business lunch date. If I had the time I would have given her a piece of my mind.
I fired one of my staff today, as they lost me a lot of money through negligence and ignorance.
I switched off my phone around three as it just never stopped ringing!
I kicked the dog when I got home as it jumped up against the car again, when I pulled into the driveway. I have told it so many time not to.
I threw my dinner into the dustbin as it was cold when I got around to eating it.
And then my world went terribly wrong…I couldn’t find my family.

BBC Prime news broadcast this evening…(”Good evening”)

It has been reported that an elderly woman suffered a mild heart attack outside a local shopping centre this morning as she was leaving the centre with her parcels. Her condition is reported to be stable. It has been reported by the center management that on viewing the security camera footage a man was seen passing her whilst she was actually having the attack even though the footage clearly shows him looking at her he did not stop to assist. And in bizarre twist of fate the heart attack victim’s husband collapsed to his knees on ‘Church’ street several blocks away upon hearing the news a few hours after the incident. The man was rushed to the same hospital for a check up.

And in another story …

A woman was assisted on the side of the highway today by traffic officials and a fellow motorist after she went into labor on her way to her sister’s house. Eyewitnesses said that she had been driving erratically for several miles before pulling over. She was kindly assisted by a passing motorist and the traffic officers pulled over shortly afterwards. She happened to mumble about the bad manners of a motorist who hooted at her several times as he raced past, even though she tried to wave him down.

And on to business news now …(pause)

It has been reported that Mr. A.R Sole of X Holdings (PTY) Ltd has been issued a summons to appear in court, with regards to his allegedly abusive and unfair dismissal of a prominent High Court judge’s son Mr. DePrived, who was up until this morning working for Mr. X. It would appear according to Mr. DePrived, that he had erroneously deposited company funds into Mr. A.R. Sole’s account instead of the company account. According to Mr. De Prived, he did reverse the mistake, even after Mr. A.R. Sole had fired him. Unfortunately Mr. Sole has been unavailable for comment or clarification all after noon and is refusing to return our calls.

And in closing …

The SPCA (animal welfare department) has obtained surveillance footage of a man deliberately kicking his dog in his own driveway this afternoon. The man has as yet not been arrested. The police are however questioning the suspect at their head quarters in the city center as we speak. A police spokeswoman released a statement only a few moments ago, claiming that the man went to the police station to report his wife and children missing. It would appear that they had packed everything up and left home without notifying him. The spokeswoman also reported that the man in question a Major in the reserve forces a Major A.R. Sole is being sought by the police following allegations of unfair labor practices after he unfairly dismissed and verbally abused one of his staff members at his place of work. The added case of animal abuse would be investigated in due course.

And moving onto the weather …

Bla bla bla bla bla bla frigin cold bla bla bla

“Be careful – be very, very careful”

Quote ;

Dare to comment on matters, which are beyond your knowledge, will undoubtedly result in your matters becoming common knowledge.

Duncan B Taylor
02/01/08

Where is my Hero?

2008-01-05T09:05:00.000+02:00

I posted a request or invitation of sorts on various internet sites recently asking folk for their comments on what they perceive to be the world most interesting man.
Well a mixed review of comments emerged and I must admit that out of all the comments and suggestions I received few where in my opinion manly things.

This does beg the question about the identity and location of my hero. You see I grew up on ‘Superman’ and this I have had to dump recently after watching two or three of the Smallville series on TV. ‘Rocket man’ seems to have all but disappeared, and as for ‘Spiderman’, what can I say? Would you look up to that kid and try to emulate him. Sadly I think not.

I hear the critics shouting “enough already” he is forty one years old for crying out loud, grow up. But I beg to differ. Superman was a hero through and through. Even the actor Christopher Reeve was a living hero after what he went through. The movie ‘Zorro’ with ‘what’s his name’ Banderas. When I am finished watching that movie I want to ride a horse and swing a sword as well as he does. Whatever happened to the ‘John Wayne’ type characters? And at a push we may (hesitantly) punt ‘Bruce Willis’ a bit here. But the true hero, the one women swooned over, the one they named their children after, those men and women that always won, no matter what the odds. James Bond is still there in a manner of speaking. It all seems to have gone and they will never be resurrected by Hollywood again or so it would seem. We now have, besides the ones mentioned above, the likes of ‘Chuck Norris’ and no offense Chucky but you don’t seem to do it for me in the hero department. Sorry!

We have sport heroes around the world, Armstrong, fought cancer and won, everyone wears a yellow ‘Cancer awareness bracelet’ to support his cause. But as much as I admire him for beating a dreadful disease like cancer, the world seems to forget that he used performance enhancing drugs to win his cycle races. And it is this method of cheating that made him famous in the first place. He has written books on how well he did in the ‘Tour De France” cycle races, how difficult it was for him, bla bla bla. But in the end his winning was by cheating his fellow competitors willfully and on purpose. Is he a hero? I think not.

The 100m American sprinter, his name eludes me right now, (Johnson?) but he was branded the fastest man in the world, we all said Wow what a man. Just look at him go. The world’s fastest man in the 100m sprint, completing it in under ten or so seconds. Now that took dedication and years of hard training and discipline, right? Yeah! but to become the worlds best he took performance enhancing drugs and was caught after the races and had his medals and glory and for that matter his name, stripped and was banned from racing for four years. Is he a hero? I think not.

There are numerous such examples and my question to you is, where does this leave us, the common man in the street? Do we fabricate a hero as they have done for the modern generation by using the media and scandal, ‘Paris Hilton’ springing to mind here, or do we go the cartoon route as so many kids in the east and worship cartoon characters. They all but declared ‘Pokemon’ addictive two years ago. Wow the implications of that!
“Hi my son is ill at the moment, he is suffering from a severe bout of Pokemonitis” – “Ooh yes he will recover, the doctor prescribed bed rest, but said we are not to take his Pokemon away from him as it will cause severe withdrawal symptoms.”

That’s where we are heading. They now legally drug the kids at school to prevent hyperactivity, because the teachers can no longer control them. I was hyperactive and got a hiding to calm down, not drugs shoved down my throat. They are butchering the systems and values we grew up on. It is so sad that Paris Hilton, has become the icon of 2007. Where do the kids go from there? Did you know that ‘Paris Hilton’ was the most “Googled” subject on the internet in the entire World during the course of 2007. Could you just imagine that. She generated more interest in the world than the Iraq war, 9/11 in New York, the tsunami in the pacific. Scary is it not.

Please understand that this is not a “bash Paris Hilton” attempt but merely an example of what we are doing. I have no doubt that she is a wonderful person when you get to eliminate the media hype.

Again my question to you is this…

Where does this leave us?

I will retire to my sanctuary and climb off my high horse, but please in the interim, try and find your own hero and ensure you educate your kids as to why you hero worship those that you do.

Quote :

Would you recognize a Hero, if you yourself did not have any?

Duncan B Taylor
03/01/2008

How strange is it?

2008-01-04T09:02:00.000+02:00

How strange it seems to be that when we envisage ourselves we are guided by wishes and certain desires. Or so it would appear on my recent self evaluation. We all have limits in every sphere of our lives that from an outsiders point of view seems to fall short of our own evaluation. As an example; I deem myself quite a thoughtful and conscientious type of guy. My ‘ex’ complained bitterly that I never noticed the world about me and hardly knew what day of the week it was let alone which month of the year.

My argument (when I still argued these matters) was why bother with what day it was if you did not need to know. Now my argument fell on deaf ears all around here, because every one knows it is ‘very’ important to know such matters. Or is it? Would I forget to get up? Would I love you any less? Or would I love you any differently on Wednesday versus Friday? I think not. Why clutter up your day planning the entire week or month ahead when a diary does the same thing. My staff would say they want a meeting next Thursday for example, I would pen this in my diary and promptly forget about it as I did not need to store that info. Come next Wednesday there is a reminder in my diary to prep for the meeting and – yes – on Thursday there would be a note in the diary regarding the meeting. There are of course natural reminders on any given day what and when the day of the week would remind you to check your diary.

Anyway what I am trying to get at here is I see myself in a certain light, and others view it through there experiences in life. No my question is

“How and why must we judge one another when we all see each other and ourselves differently?”

I am at the age where I am so tired of people judging and passing comment on matters about which they have in actual fact very little knowledge. My lifestyle, someone else’s lifestyle or mannerisms are no one else’s business unless they have a personal or financial interest in my lifestyle. Even then there is a respectful distance one should maintain in order not to insult or offend the other person.

Humans and from my experiences South Africans in particular have a tendency to criticize each other very quickly and this is all based initially entirely on prejudices that they have adopted from various different sources, and over a certain time frame. Now I know humans in general all conduct themselves in similar ways and attitudes and the conclusions or assessment of another human is entirely based on our own experiences and deductions.

So the question now reads as follows…

Why have we lost or in many cases never found that compassionate side of life where we assume goodness until proven otherwise? And yes you may say – I have learnt to be wary of so and so or yes I have experienced negativity in this sphere or area of my life and that is why I am like such.
People are fueled by certain emotions, needs and scenario’s in life, and in my view some of these are, Greed, Hunger, Boredom, Revenge, Love, Hate, Money to name a few. So when approaching life I assess what the motivation is behind people’s attitudes in order to better understand their motivating factors. Their core motivation always lands up being one main emotion that fuels the attitude. Once you understand this core motivator then the game or interaction becomes so much easier to handle and manage. An understanding of what drives people or a certain person in particular becomes so much clearer, that your relationship or interaction with them either blossoms or dies in a very short period of time. You are able to predict, or at least accurately guess what their approach is going to be in any scenario. Understanding their history, while being helpful is not essential to the process. Certain incidents are life changing but ultimately the core emotions still operate the mind and body and are thus the core issues so to speak.

Now even though I may be going out on a limb here, if you bring Karma into the scenario you immediately gain a better understanding and ultimately an acceptance of these individuals and personalities that define them. So it is my opinion that people are motivated by the already above mentioned emotions and if you scratch a little below the surface you will quite easily identify the core emotions and be in a better position to interact successfully.

Having said that, I think that humans’ biggest failing is that we do not give that other person the chance to expose those core emotions or motivators. We make up our mind within the first few seconds of meeting. Quite often we have made up our mind even prior to meeting the people in person. We have leant our ears out to gossip or other people’s perceptions. Or we assess their clothing, vehicle, behavior or choice of restaurant or occupation as that determining factor. How often in life have you heard something about a friend of a friend and after meeting them, you discover they are quite different. How often does a colleague at work criticize someone you both work with and you are surprised by their opinion? Fair to say this does happen quite often and this is precisely what I am getting at.

Give everyone you meet the opportunity to express themselves. They have an opinion, they have concerns, they to have knowledge and experience, so even though their core motivators may be different to yours they should at least be given the chance to express them prior to you accepting or dismissing them. These are equally important, when considering an acceptance or rejection of friendship. Realise that the core motivators are definite indicators and in my experience at least ninety percent of the time correct when judging the character of another human being. Because, that is what we should be doing assessing character, rather than social standing or any of the various other criteria.

So it is in my humble opinion, that we need to take a time out to listen, and more importantly hear what the other people are saying when they speak and realise that we did not all have the same parents or upbringing or education for that matter. Identify the core motivator and handle them according to your very own set of criteria. Your criteria are set according to your wishes, just as I set my criteria or tolerance levels according to my personal tastes.

So, for me the bottom line here is as follows…

a) Be generous when dealing with people, generous in time, opinion and above all attitude.
b) Listen when dealing or interacting with people, and try to understand their needs rather than pursuing yours.
c) Treat everyone with respect, as if they were the most respected entity you know.
d) Base your conclusions on your own experiences after a fair amount of time has elapsed.
e) Do not share your opinions regarding people with others, but rather let them make up their own minds.
f) Avoid conflict at all times, especially when dealing with loved ones, express your views if they are really important to you and then simply move on.
g) Last but not least, accept that the world does not always revolve around you and that we need to share more than receive.

Quote;
It takes a simple man less time to realise the truth than it does a learned man.

Duncan B Taylor.
31/12/2007

CARDS ON THE TABLE...

2007-12-30T09:55:00.000+02:00

I have a storm of emotions flowing through me right now, and even though i realise this may not be the ideal time to type out or pen a response as it will be tainted with emotion, here goes...

I have a soul, a heart and a mind, all of which are designed to exist or co-exist with the rest of this world. My motives have been bought into question regarding a relationship and my concern for someone has been mistakenly viewed as indecision or lack of conviction. I am now unsure as to the exact wording but it seems to be along those lines...

So here is a statement which may or may not clarify matters, this also concludes my final justification exercise on the matter. I am a natural born lover. Not the lover that springs to every ones mind but rather a lover of life. I have an immense pent up energy and desire to love what i do, love who i am with, love my location on earth and above love for what i perceive as my Master or keeper or God whichever closest relates to your beliefs.

So here is a woman that i met on a beach in Texas on the gulf of Mexico whilst touring the states. I admired her, i respected her and i grew to love her. It was a lost cause from the very beginning and we both acknowledged that fact, me more so it would seem than she. I likened it to ships bumping in the night a statement that she did not approve of. Any way we bumped several times in the following two months and grew from interested to passionate to familiar and so started a wonderful, albeit short affair. By my very nature i draw out the good and the "Wow" factors and rejoice at this chance meeting and subsequent friendship. I was touring the states on borrowed money and time so i had certain obligations to respectfully fulfil. Which i may add i fulfilled to the best of my ability.

I loved her company and adored her time and we holed up in her apartment and only ventured outdoors to swim and take strolls along the Trinity river in Fort Worth Texas. I took her to lunch on top of the world in Dallas Texas to capture the moment, it was sooooo good. My having to leave the states due to visa restraints and obligations back home threw a dampener on matters but we sort of looked ahead and speculated about a possible return. Even though a return in the very near future was unlikely due to various factors it was the spurt that we needed to remain in that circle of love and enjoyment.

I left and returned home to a scenario which required me to move in with my folks and help them out which was not my intention but something every child should hope for with respect to paying of karmic debt and a token of our love for our parents. So my return to the states has been pushed back by who knows how many months or years. This i see as fact and not having any choice in the matter decide to utter the words to my lover that " i do not want to disappoint you" - you must move on etc. Not the easiest thing to say when you find someone who loves you for you, not the car you drive or the house you own, or for that matter what your company is worth but rather just you.

Maybe i am a realist or maybe i am a cold blooded monster who knows, if i cannot have the ideal relationship with my lover, then this question begs an answer, "Why should i occupy a space that someone else could fill, the same if not better than yours truly." I cannot provide for you at this time - is that so hard a statement or concept to understand? Do i love her - YES - can i possibly be with her - NO. How hard are we going to make the decision....? We can be friends for the rest of our lives, or we can ignore one another and cry into our pillows each night.

Love what we had and move on, do what you wish with the memories, burn them, cherish them, use them as milestones but whatever you do don't trash them.

and i quote...

"As of late, the men in my life are disappointing."

end quote...

As I told you before, we were given a gift, of three very special weeks, it has been my experience that those few short moments in our entire lives cause personality shifts that affect us forever. The decision lies with you on which end of the stick to hold. Our end or the short end of the stick...?

Written with all my love and compassion for your struggle...

To the moon and back... M.E.

How our mind plays...

2007-12-29T19:00:00.000+02:00

I could not sleep, eventhough i only got to bed after midnight. My mind is concerned for the cause and reaction of yesterdays posting and obvious repercussions.

I have said my say and we will see where the chips fall. A chapter is drawing to a close, or we are entering a sequel to the book titled, "A midsummer nights encounter" Only time will tell.

Regards
Duncan

Xmas

2007-12-26T08:00:00.000+02:00

Well - Xmas has come and gone (almost) and it has been the quitest Xmas I have ever experienced. I was at home for the first time in many years and well, myself and my parents had a very quite peaceful day and that about sums it up. It is a 'time out' for us and well thats just what happened. Nothing happened out of the ordinary - we ate - we lazed and now we will sleep.

As easy as one - two - three...

Xmas AGAIN?

2007-12-25T07:36:00.000+02:00

To all of you that celebrate Xmas may you have a wonderous time, filled with Love and Joy... Smile and be smiled at! Forget the commercial hype and remember it is a celebration of Love

A manly handshake to the guys and hugs to the ladies...

Who said it was Xmas ?

2007-12-24T20:46:00.000+02:00

I awoke recently to find out it was 2007.
I awoke this morning to find it was almost 2008
I have barely got my act together for this year let alone next year.

What now 'Father time' What now?

"Be still my son", has been my only answer... for he says "The answer is blowing in the wind"